New Year’s Resolution: Potty Time!

The new year is closing in on us and, if you’re like me, your mind is gravitating toward “New Year’s Resolutions.” (It’s a given that two of mine will be to exercise more and eat less—and this year I mean it!)

But as I let my mind drift back, it returns to a New Years over 20 years ago—1988 to be exact--when my son, Kai, was 2 ½ and I was facing (no, dreading!) the challenge of potty training. I had been asked by my mother-in-law over Christmas why he wasn’t trained yet and I told her he “wasn’t ready” and that my pediatrician had assured me that Kai would let me know when the time was right. But darn it, he seemed perfectly content to let things continue as they were! The problem with this was that I needed to enroll him in a new child care program more convenient to the university where I taught and they wouldn’t let him in unless he was out of diapers.

So, I made a New Year’s Resolution to start in the Spring. Ready or not, here I come—with the potty! By that time he was closing in on 3 and really not interested in wasting time using the potty when he could be playing and just using his diaper as he had been doing for the past 30 months. Problem was that the child care enrollment deadline was looming and he simply had to get trained!

Fortunately, the passage of time has dimmed my memory of the struggles that ensued (and there were struggles)—with one exception. I remember vividly promising the director of the child care center that he was, indeed, trained—and then feigning surprise when they would inform me that he had had an accident again. “Oh, I’m sure it’s the stress of starting a new school,” I lied. I’m not proud of myself for lying to them, but, like many parents before and since, I was desperate!

Since that time I’ve learned a lot about potty training, enough in fact, to feel comfortable creating a whole program designed to make it easier for parent and child alike to get potty training done by age 2. It's called The Baby Signs® Potty Training Program and has been successfully used by thousands of parents. The secret? It includes both step by step instructions for parents and fun things to inspire the little one to get on board with the enterprise. That's what "ready" means, after all--willingness to cooperate.

So, for those of you thinking about Potty Training in 2013, I urge you to do as I say and not as I did some 20 years ago. In other words, climb on board the "potty training" sooner rather than later!
Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis
and
Co-Founder, The Baby Signs® Program

Helping Kids Cope with Tragedy

Here we are in what should be a joyous celebration of the holiday seasons with hearts full of good cheer, and instead I find my thoughts returning time and again to the families of the children and teachers who were slaughtered in Connecticut last week. Anyone who has parented a child will find it almost impossible to imagine the horror that has engulfed that community.

My thoughts also, however, turn to the living—to parents all over the country who are wondering how to help their own children deal with what has happened. To this end, in this week’s blog I share some strategies experts have been posting this week. Much of this advice will serve equally well for national tragedies like the current one and scary situations closer to home--like accidents, robberies, fires, or natural disasters.

Let your child’s questions guide the discussion. This is especially true for very young children who may be surprisingly oblivious to what’s going on around them. In fact, sometimes parents are upset that their children are not upset! If you find yourself feeling that way, keep in mind that children’s worlds are very narrow and revolve almost exclusively around what affects them personally. Remember, the last thing you want to do is create anxiety where none exists!

Limit viewing of television coverage. Although it’s natural for adults to want their children to empathize with others’ suffering, resist the impulse to use the heartbreaking coverage of a tragedy to generate such feelings. All you may be creating is fear and sadness that make your child feel helpless. Look instead for ways to foster empathy that involve situations that are easy for a young child to understand--and remedy (e.g., another child is hurt, an animal is cold and hungry, a relative is feeling lonely).

Reassure your child that he/she is safe. This is obviously a very important goal. The term “reassure” is important because it reflects the reality that it is natural for children to be afraid. Don’t dismiss these fears. Listen carefully, let them talk, try to see if they have specific fears or a general anxiety. If there are specific fears—for example, that their classroom is not safe—talk about specific steps the school is taking to ensure their safety. Emphasize the availability of trustworthy adults both at school and at home.

Watch for changes in behavior. Anxiety can reveal itself in many ways besides just words. Be aware of changes in appetite, sleep patterns, acting out, clinging, etc. that seem to coincide with the external situation.

Review safety precautions. Doing so will be reassuring for both of you. Simply knowing the ABCs of what to do and what not to do (and why) will help ease anxiety.

While it’s true that we can’t protect our children forever from the suffering that life can bring, at least we can use steps like these to ease them into reality.


Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis
and
Co-Founder, The Baby Signs® Program

Tips for Keeping the Holidays Merry

(This week we have a guest author. The comments below were penned by a wonderful member of our Baby Signs staff, Bonita Broughton, as an article for one of our newsletters. Great advice worth sharing.)

A normal part of holiday activities for families includes visiting with friends and family. Many of these visitors are ones seldom seen by us throughout the year. Adults are often thrilled to see these faces and take joy in the experience. Children, however, can respond in a very different manner. For children, this experience can cause stress. They find themselves in unfamiliar places with unfamiliar faces and unfamiliar expectations. Helping your child prepare for holiday gatherings can help ward off some of the frustration that can arise for both parent and child.

Ideas for making gatherings successful:

Photo Time: Take some time prior to the gathering to look through old photos of the people you will be seeing. Try to find pictures which include the child as well. If your child uses signs for specific family members, use the signs to help make the connection between the person and the photo.

The Hand-off: Enthusiastic family members will be excited to see your little one and may immediately reach to take your child. Some children are fine with this and just need you to stay close until they are passed back. Other children will not have such a favorable response. Be prepared to take the lead by saying something like, "He takes a while to warm up, but he really likes for you to give a high-five." If your little one is signing, then you can encourage him with simple signs like GOOD JOB or I LOVE YOU. Don't forget to remind your child of the pictures you looked at and use the sign if appropriate.

It is moving time: One concern can be decorations placed down low. Even for the most well-behaved child, twinkling lights and shiny objects can be a strong temptation! Gently ask the host if you can move the item to a higher location. This can prevent you, your child, and the host a lot of unneeded stress. If it is not something that can be moved, use signs LIKE GENTLE, WAIT, STOP, and THANK YOU to help guide the child's behavior.

It’s in the Bag: With all the hustle and bustle of the season parents often forget to bring items to keep the little one busy. Simple toys, puzzles, and books can give the child a familiar item for comfort and provide some much needed distraction. Bringing a book with easy to sign words can also offer the child a chance to share her signing success with family members and help to get new family members onboard with your signing efforts.

Keep these tips from Bonita in mind as you look enjoy your holiday celebrations and the chance of adding happy memories to your scrapbook will definitely increase.

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis
and
Co-Founder, The Baby Signs® Program

Baby Sign Language in Action!

One of my favorite topics for this blog is describing how creative babies are in their use of signs. While it’s true that they use them effectively for routine needs, like more food or drink or being “all done,” these are only the tip of the iceberg when it comes to the ways that babies communicate with signs. Here are some stories that illustrate my point.

• Baby Aubrey’s mom wrote to us about how Aubrey used the signs for COLD and OUTSIDE when her mother opened the door to let the dog out and used them again—along with an emphatic shake of the head for NO—when her mom started to put Aubrey’s coat on to leave the house.

• Here’s another story where a dog played a prominent role. Henry’s mom told us how Henry came to her and signed DOG plus DRINK—and sure enough, the dog’s water bowl was empty.

• I particularly like the creativity shown in the following story. The signs for FLY (actually, BUG) and WATER came in handy for a 16-month-old when she wanted to play with a common utensil—the “fly-swatter!”

• And then there’s little Julia who, upon seeing a mom wearing a front pack with her baby’s arms and legs hanging out and head peeping out the top, got a quizzical look on her face and signed TURTLE!

Over the years I’ve learned that many people don’t “get it” about baby sign language until they hear stories like this. What a wonderful way to show people unfamiliar with babies that there truly is “somebody home in there!”

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis
and
Co-Founder, The Baby Signs® Program

How Would You Feel If….

Over the years, I’ve learned that challenging a parent’s reaction to his or her child’s behavior is a delicate matter. One strategy that has worked for me is what I call the “How would you feel if…” technique. Essentially, the idea is to describe a situation analogous to the child’s but where the parent is in the spotlight. Here’s an example from my book about emotional development (with Dr. Susan Goodwyn), Baby Hearts, dealing with a parent’s angry and humiliating reaction to his son’s fear of a dog.

Max, the neighbor’s overly friendly Labrador retriever, lopes toward 2-year-old Timmy who quickly takes shelter behind his dad’s leg and begins to cry. His dad, Jim, following in the footsteps of generations of dads with sons, says, “Don’t be such a scaredy-cat. He’s not going to hurt you!” Do those words help? No. In fact, research shows that sympathizing with a child’s fears is an important ingredient in the recipe for creating empathy. Perhaps the next scenario might make that dad react differently.

New York City born and bred, Jim decides to take Timmy and the rest of his family to Idaho for an exciting week on a “Dude Ranch.” While his family is still eating breakfast, Jim wanders out to the corral. As he approaches the gate, it suddenly swings open and a large horse comes bounding out of the gate toward him. Jim jumps back quickly, slips, and finds himself in the dirt looking up as the horse races by, leaving him in a cloud of dust. As Jim lies in the dirt, shocked and shaken, the resident cowboy comes sauntering out and drawls, “Hey, city boy, don’t be such a scaredy -cat. He ain’t gonna hurt you!” Jim pulls himself up and stumbles back to the house--humiliated, angry, and feeling he had every right to be frightened given the horse was so large and unknown to him.

We can only hope that parents like Jim make the connection!

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis
and
Co-Founder, The Baby Signs® Program

Professor Emeritus, UC Davis
and
Co-Founder, The Baby Signs® Program

A Sign of Thanks for Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday, is just a few days away. I love it because it’s an opportunity to gather with family, eat great food, and say “Thanks” for the many blessings we enjoy—including one another. Here’s a great story about how the ability of a baby to sign made Thanksgiving dinner extra sweet for one family. It comes from a former student of mine, Stella, at UC Davis.

Stella and her parents traveled to Chicago to share Thanksgiving with her sister, brother-in-law, and 3 kids—including 15-month-old Kayla, a graduate of our Baby Signs classes. Once everyone was seated at the table, Stella’s dad said a short grace and stood up to carve the turkey. Suddenly Kayla squealed and began to excitedly sign “apple.” Despite being offered some applesauce, Kayla kept repeating the sign even more determinedly. Finally, seemingly out of frustration, Kayla added a second sign—“Thank you” to her “apple” sign. It was then that her mom figured it out. At dinner time at Kayla’s house, instead of saying grace at the table, the tradition was to hold hands and sing the “Johnny Appleseed” song—the one where you “thank the Lord” for “the sun and the rain and the apple seed.” Kayla clearly felt that her grandfather’s grace wasn’t good enough! Once everyone held hands and sang the song with real gusto, Kayla was satisfied and settled down to eat—no doubt saying a silent “thanks” that she’d finally gotten her message across!

Helping children learn to be truly thankful for the blessings in their lives is a challenge that every parent faces. Teaching the sign for “thank you” (fingertips moving in an arching motion outward from the chin) is a great way to get it started at a remarkably early age. And what better time to start than Thanksgiving!

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis
and
Co-Founder, The Baby Signs Program

It’s Not Just for Babies Anymore

Although the federally-funded research Dr. Susan Goodwyn and I conducted was focused on documenting the benefits of signing with hearing infants and toddlers, it’s increasingly clear that signing also has benefits for older children. We hear this especially from teachers who have introduced signing into their preschool and early elementary school classrooms. Here are some of the benefits cited most frequently.

• Gives language delayed kids a way to communicate. As Speech/Language Pathologists can attest, a significant proportion of children lag behind their peers in their ability to verbalize their thoughts. For these children, having signs available to communicate can help relieve tremendous amounts of frustration and anger.

• Provides another modality to give instructions—esp. helpful in stressful situations. Even children who, under normal conditions, understand what is said to them, can become immune to verbal instructions when tension levels are high. It’s almost like their accelerated heart rates plug up their ears with competing sounds! In such situations, a highly visible sign made by the adult can work wonders by both grabbing their attention and reinforcing the verbal message (like “Stop!” “Wait!” “Gentle!” or “Sit Down!”).

• Gives children an alternative physical action. Even preschoolers, when frustrated, often act out in anger—pushing or shoving their peers. Providing them with the physical action required to produce a sign (like “Stop!” or “No!”) helps release this tension while at the same time sending a clear message to the offending chum.

• Allows teachers and children to communicate quietly & from a distance. Sometimes words are either not appropriate or not effective. A child who, during nap time, can signal “Potty” to the teacher, or the teacher who can signal “Sit down” or “Listen” to a restless child in a group, can get his/her message across quite easily.

• Enables communication with and by special needs children. As more and more special needs children are being mainstreamed in classrooms and activities, how wonderful to have a way for the two groups of kids to be able to communicate!

• Promotes appreciation of the Deaf Community. Learning simple signs is a great way to acquaint young children with the challenges faced by individuals who can’t hear as well as the richness of the wonderful solution they’ve devised to deal with that challenge—sign language..

• Older kids think it’s fun! Kids of all ages are intrigued by sign language and love the idea of an alternative to words. Signs are like a “secret codes, something that kids have always found fascinating.

So, although we will continue to call our program “The BABY Signs® Program,” there’s no doubt that it’s not just for little ones anymore!

Visit www.babysigns.com for more information about Baby Signs® resources to help you and your baby enjoy all the benefits that signing can bring.

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to visit us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis
and
Co-Founder, The Baby Signs® Program