“You Want “Goodnight Moon” Again?!”

How many times can one person read the same storybook without going crazy? If you’re under age 5, the sky’s the limit. Or so it seems to weary parents who can be overheard at bedtime pleading with their children, “You want Goodnight Moon AGAIN? But that’s 14 nights in a row!” And then there are the occasions when sleepy parents make sly attempts to shorten the bedtime story just a little but are caught up short when a plaintive voice protests “No Mama! Where comb ‘n brush!?” What’s a parent to do?

The answer is simple. Grin and bear it. Why? Because although reading the same story over and over again may seem to be an imaginative form of parent abuse, your child’s motivation is really a positive one. In asking for the same book again, your child is really eagerly awaiting another lesson in memory development. Children between one and four years are programmed to work hard at practicing remembering things, whether it’s the plot of a certain book or video or the order of events when they take a bath or get dressed in the morning. By reading the same story more than once, you’re providing more chances for them to learn the “script.” They love the challenge and then the pleasure of being able to predict what’s going to happen on the next page. And as the sleepy parent reading “Goodnight Moon” learned, pretty soon your child will be able to fill in the blanks as well as, if not better than, you can!

So, yes, it’s important to read the same books over and over. Doing so is actually another easy way to support your child’s intellectual development.

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

From Signs to Speech—Inevitable!

Parents and babies love the Baby Signs® Program because it reduces frustration and makes being together even more fun. But speech is even more important, isn't it? Will babies be willing to move on to words if life is so easy with signs?

Despite our federally-funded research evidence showing that signing babies actually learn to talk sooner, some parents still worry that their babies will be too content with signing to do the work of learning to talk. Below are four reasons why children are, in fact, eager to make the transition from signs to speech:

New Places to Go: As toddlers get older and more mobile, they are more and more likely to wander away from direct eye-to-eye contact with parents—around corners, behind chairs, up and down the slide. Signs, which require being able to see each other, are much less effective that words in such situations. You simply can’t shout a sign from around the bend!

New Faces to Meet: Greater mobility and maturity also mean that children are destined to meet more and more new people along the way—people who engage them in conversations and most likely don’t know signs. They may be new playmates at daycare or cashiers at the grocery store or friendly parents at the park. Conversing with these folks requires words.

New Games to Play: Getting older also means that children become increasingly attracted to activities that keep the hands busy—like finger paints, crayons, puzzles, ladders to climb, bikes to ride. Signing in such situations is much less convenient that words!

New Things to Say: To a 15-month-old, simply telling you that he sees a butterfly is a magnificent feat—and one easily accomplished with a simple sign. However, as children grow intellectually, gathering more and more information about the world around them, the ideas they want to get across become much more complicated. Except for children whose parents are capable of teaching them to be fluent in ASL, complex ideas and observations are beyond the power of simple signs to express. Words are the perfect substitute.

So, don’t worry about the transition to speech; your child will be eager to move on to words. In fact, if you’re like many parents, you’ll actually be a bit sad to see the signs slowly drift away one by one as an onslaught of words takes over!

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

Shame and Guilt: Siblings but Definitely not Twins!

I'm taking a detour from talking about baby sign language to share information from the book I co-authored with Dr. Susan Goodwyn, Baby Hearts.

If you’re like me, you’ve often bandied about the terms “shame” and “guilt” as though they were synonymous—two words for the same internal, not-very-pleasant feeling that occurs when we’ve done something of which others disapprove. However, researchers looking at the development of emotions in children feel it’s very important to distinguish between them shame and guilt, for parents to understand the differences, and for parent to steer clear of instilling shame whenever possible.

So, what are the differences? There are two that stand out:

First and most central, there’s a difference between shame and guilt in where the person feels the error or “deficiency” lies. In the case of shame, the entire “self” is perceived as bad. In the case of guilt, the specific action, rather than the “self” is perceived as bad. For example, a child who feels shame over having broken a precious knickknack might say to herself, “I’m a bad bad girl,” while a child feeling guilty might say instead “Oh dear, I should have been more careful!”
A second important difference is in the actions which tend to follow once the misdeed is discovered. In the case of shame, because the internal feeling of being bad is so distressing, the person’s inclination is to flee the scene—to escape—or even more problematic, to blame the victim. Our little girl, for example, might say to herself, or even aloud, “It’s Grandma’s fault for leaving it there!” In contrast, a person who feels guilty, rather than trying to flee, is motivated to try to make amends, to right whatever wrong was done, and to prove it was a one-time-only lapse in judgment. In this case, our little girl might say, “I’m so sorry, Grandma! Maybe I can make you something pretty to take its place.”

Why does it matter whether a child tends to feel shame or to feel guilt? Because research shows that feelings of shame are more likely to result in hostility, depression, and a lack of empathy for others.

Given that all kids misbehave at one time or another, how can you avoid instilling a sense of shame? Quite simply, watch what you say! Instead of saying things like “You’re a bad girl” or “I’m disappointed in you,” emphasize the consequences of the misdeed, why you disapprove of the child’s behavior, and what can be done to make amends. Remember, children who are told often that they are “bad” gradually find themselves living up to your expectations in what psychologists call a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Just some important information to help you make sure your child is on the path to healthy emotional development.

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

The Baby Signs® Program & Learning to Talk

By far the most frequently voiced concern about encouraging babies to use signs to communicate before they can talk is that doing so will slow down verbal development. In fact, the exact opposite is true. Baby sign language actually speeds up the process.

How do we know? With a grant from the federal government, Dr. Susan Goodwyn and I compared verbal development in babies using the Baby Signs® Program with that of non-signing babies. In test after test the babies who signed were more advanced than the non-signers in language skills. (The published study is available on our Baby Signs web site.) We really weren’t surprised because we had already observed the following ways in which baby signing spurs language skills.

• Signing is to talking as crawling is to walking. In other words, just as crawling excites babies about getting around even faster by walking, the excitement of being able to communicate with signs motivates babies to figure out ways to communicate better—and the most obvious way is with words.

• Signing provides practice. The experience of signing teaches babies useful lessons about how language works (like using symbols to label objects, etc.). These lessons speed up the process of learning to talk once words are finally available.

• Signing pulls language from adults. The natural reaction to a baby’s use of a sign is to flood the child with words, and the more words a child hears, the faster he or she will learn to talk. What’s more, signs enable babies to pick the topic of conversation, thereby increasing the likelihood that they will listen attentively to the words parents say.

• Signing changes the brain. Every time a baby successfully uses a sign to label something, circuits in the brain are strengthened; circuits that then make learning words easier.

• Signing makes book-reading more fun. Babies who sign can actively participate in book-reading by labeling pictures they see well before they would be able to do so with words. Because taking a active role is more exciting they sitting passively on the sidelines, thereby making the experience more fun. How does that help language? Books expose children to lots of new vocabulary words and stimulate conversations.

So, the next time someone suggests that your use of the Baby Signs® Program is going to keep your child from talking, just smile knowingly, roll your eyes, and say “Oh, that old wives’ tale!”

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

What Exactly Does “Ba” Mean?!

I recently ran into an old friend who was out shopping with her 20-month-old granddaughter. I was delighted to hear that little Laney had taken our Baby Signs® Sign, Say & Play® class and been a great signer since age 10 months, and equally delighted to hear that words had started to appear in her repertoire as well. According to Grandma, however, most of these words sound pretty much the same, and although Mom and Dad can often figure them out based on context, it's a real challenge for Grandma. For example, she told me, Laney currently says something like “ba” for “baby,” “ball,” and “bottle.” What helps enormously, Grandma, said with a smile, is that Laney almost always combines the sign for what she's talking about with the word, thereby clarifying her message! So the sign for BABY accompanies "ba" in some cases, while the sign for BALL does so in others, etc.

Aha! A great example of how signing still has a role to play even when words begin! Instead of looking at their babies in frustration and listing all the possibilities, adults can correctly interpret these early words ( “Oh, baby! You see the baby!” ). Using signs in this way to clarify what they are trying to say is an advantage of baby sign language that is often overlooked—until a parent or grandparent very gratefully sees it in action. It turns out to be important because receiving positive attention for trying to talk is an important incentive that motivates children to keep working hard to add new words.

Just think how discouraging it is to be struggling to be understood in a foreign country when you can’t say the words quite right. It’s enough to make you want to retreat in silence to your hotel room! Having signs to help them clarify their messages keeps babies from feeling this way so that instead of retreating into silence, they become more and more excited about learning to talk.

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

Signs: A Window into the Infant Mind for Researchers Too

I spent last Tuesday with my twin, almost 4-year-old grandchildren—Nate and Olivia—because they were home sick from preschool. Both of them were great signers, so I decided to see if they remembered any of their signs. I mentioned that they used to use a sign for “more,” and Nathan quickly tapped his fists together, clearly remembering something from easily 18 months earlier. Then Olivia did the sign for “all done” and Nate asked me to remind him what the sign was for “drink.” Soon we were all into it with them remembering lots of signs—like book, bird, dog, and moon—and even a specific experience when they had used the bird sign to talk about a hawk out back. My conversation with them reminded me of one of my favorite signing stories where a 2-year-old little girl, who had switched from sign to words a whole year earlier, suddenly began to teach her doll the sign for “more!”

The doll story and my conversation with Nate and Olivia reminds me of one of the less obvious gifts signing with babies has given us. For a very long time, researchers (as well as parents) assumed that babies’ memory abilities were severely limited. And who was to tell us differently? After all, without words to share their thoughts, babies seem almost oblivious to the past and future. But now, with signs at their disposal, babies are sharing what they see, hear, feel, and even what they remember with both parents and researchers! Finally we’re getting proof that babies are a lot smarter than they look!

Let’s hear it for signing with babies!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis
and
Co-Founder, The Baby Signs® Program

“But We’re Not Laughing At You!”

This week I'm taking a detour from my usual topic of the Baby Signs Program to talk about a topic from Baby Hearts, the third parenting book I co-authored with Dr. Susan Goodwyn--the development of embarrassment.

If there’s a 2-year-old at your next family get-together , it’s likely that at one time or another everyone will be laughing at something amusing she has done. Maybe she is busily eating chocolate cake, getting more around her mouth than in it, or maybe she is carefully trying to walk in her mother’s high heels. Whatever the behavior, as soon as the child becomes aware that she is the focus of attention she becomes upset. And no matter how many times she is reassured that no one is laughing at her, she remains inconsolable and is too embarrassed to continue.

Where does such embarrassment come from? Has some humiliation in the child’s past created an expectation of punishment or shame? Probably not. According to developmental researcher, Dr. Michael Lewis, such reactions are typical of children starting between 18 and 24 months. It’s at this age that children begin to experience embarrassment when they find they are the center of attention. It’s not that they think they’ve done anything wrong or shameful. It’s just that everyone is looking at them and it makes them extremely uneasy.

Why does such self-consciousness begin between 18 and 24 months? It’s quite simple. This is the age when toddlers first become aware of themselves as separate from other people, knowledge that is obviously critical to feeling embarrassed. In fact, Lewis demonstrated a direct connection between self-awareness and embarrassment in the following way.

First, he tested a group of toddlers to see if they could recognize themselves in a mirror – a classic test of self-awareness. The way to do this is to surreptitiously dab a spot of rouge on a child’s nose, set him in front of a mirror, and watch to see if he touches his nose. If he does, then it’s clear that he recognizes that the red spot on the nose in the mirror is a red spot on his own nose. Some the toddlers in Lewis study did touch their noses, while others did not.

Lewis then tested whether these same children would show embarrassment. He had their mothers urge them to dance in front of the experimenter to the sound of a tambourine. As you might expect, some children did so without hesitation while others refused, showing classic signs of embarrassment. Every one of these latter children, and very few of the former, were among those able to recognize themselves in a mirror, a lovely demonstration that the child’s developing mind and the child’s developing emotions are closely related.

Apparently the novelty of understanding that one is the center of attention is very unnerving. Whether or not there is a judgment involved is irrelevant; the child simply wants the attention itself to stop…now. The more mature understanding that one has done something that has violated some kind of standard of behavior won’t develop for another year or so. In the meantime, realizing that it’s the attention itself that toddlers dislike can help parents be more sympathetic. After all, would you want everyone watching you stuff chocolate cake into your mouth? I thought not.

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis