Promoting “Emotional Intelligence” in Your Child

As most of you know, Dr. Susan Goodwyn and I are the authors of Baby Signs, the book based on our NIH-funded research that launched the sign-with-babies movement back in 1996. What many of you may not know, is that we followed up with two other books for parents, Baby Minds and Baby Hearts, both drawing from child development research and full of fun games, tips, and advice to help parents meet the challenges of raising kids.

One of our goals with Baby Hearts was to point out to parents that helping children identify emotions—both their own and others’—is a critical ingredient in enabling them to interact in a constructive and self-evaluative way with other people as they grow up. What’s more, it’s important that the emotions include not only positive ones like happiness, gratitude, and empathy, but also negative ones like anger, fear, frustration, and jealousy.

So, how can you help your child achieve such “emotional intelligence?” Below are a few tips:

Play the “show-me” game. Make a game out of matching words to facial expressions by taking turns naming an emotion for the other person to demonstrate.

Use emotions in pretend play. As you play “tea party,” “grocery store,” or any other pretend scenario with your child, remember to involve emotions. These are especially good opportunities to help your child express negative emotions like frustration, anger, and sadness.

Encourage puppet play. Puppets enable children to distance themselves from feelings they might be afraid to express otherwise. (In fact, eavesdropping on the pretend scenarios in which your child engages on his/her own is a good way to get a sense of what your child’s inner world is like at any given moment.)

Play the “Silly Song” game. Take turns singing familiar songs, such as the “ABC Song” or “Mary had a Little Lamb” with different emotional intonations and facial expressions. Your child will have fun suggesting what you should do next. (“Sing it like you’re angry!”)

These are all fun and easy ways to not only give your child practice with emotions, but also to send the important message that you are open to talking about even the “not so nice” ones.

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to visit us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis
and
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program

Say Good-bye to Diapers in Honor of Earth Day!

Yesterday was Earth Day, a good time for all of us to reflect on what we can do on an individual basis to promote the health of our environment so that our children will inherit a verdant, health-inducing world rather than one increasingly beset with man-made environmental (and health-reducing) problems. Well, one thing many parents can do is get their baby out of diapers a lot earlier than is the norm these days. The mean age in the United States is about 37 months—and climbing as bigger and bigger disposable diapers become available. This is a far cry from earlier, pre-disposable diaper times when children where routinely trained by 18 months. What the trend toward later and later potty training means for the environment, of course, is more diapers and human waste in our landfills—where the remnants will remain for 500 years per diaper or more! (If you’re interested in a few more shocking details about diapers and the environment, watch the National Geographic piece on the topic at www.pottytrainwithbabysigs.com.) As many of you know, we at Baby Signs are anxious to help parents get their babies out of diapers as soon as possible—hopefully by age 2—both for their own benefit and for a healthier environment. To this end, we’ve developed a potty training kit complete with step-by-step instructions and tips for Mom and Dad as well as resources to motivate babies younger than 2-years to “Climb on board the Potty Train!” After all, being motivated is really what “being ready” for potty training boils down to once children. The bottom line? If kids in the past were trained by 18 months, there’s no reason that can’t happen today—especially with a little help from the Baby Signs® Potty Training Program. Happy Signing (and don’t forget to visit us on Facebook)! Linda Linda Acredolo, Ph.D. Professor Emeritus, UC Davis and Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program

How Long From Sign to Word? It all depends….

A question I often get from parents—and from my professional colleagues interested in language development in general as well as baby sign language in particular—is how soon after a baby learns a sign will he or she start trying to say the word? The answer, as usual, is that it all depends. If the sign is substituting for a relatively easy word like ‘ball” or “more,” the word may appear quickly. On the other hand, if the word is long and complicated, like “elephant” or “butterfly,” the sign is likely to stick around longer.

But it also depends on a baby’s choice of strategy. Some children use signs to free them up to work on learning words for other things. These babies tend to hold on to their signs for quite a while, using them to increase the total number of things they can talk about. Other babies seem to use signs to speed up learning the word that a specific sign stands for. In these cases, the word appears relatively quickly. The logic lies in the fact that the more frequently a baby uses a specific sign, the more often adults respond by saying that specific word, thereby providing more opportunities for the child to learn it.

And, of course, some babies use both strategies. All this variety is what makes studying babies so fascinating! Can you figure out what your baby is doing?

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

Let’s Hear it for Being Shy!

A wonderful new book has come out that I think everyone, parents and non-parents alike, should read. It’s called Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain. As the title suggests, the author is on a crusade to extol the virtues of a personality tendency our society too often thinks of as a disability—something to be ‘fixed.”

When I read the book myself, I immediately saw the connection to a section in my book (with Dr. Susan Goodwyn) called Baby Hearts from which I took an excerpt to use for this blog a full year ago. Obviously, the points are important and, I believe, worth repeating. So, here you are:

Do you have a “shy” child? I have two! Both my son and daughter come by their shyness honestly because neither one of their parents could be called extroverted! In fact, learning to overcome my inherently introverted personality in order to stand up in front of large classes of undergraduates required years of patience and practice.

Oh dear! Even in this opening paragraph I’ve fallen victim to a reaction to shyness typical of Western culture. Because Western cultures tend to value assertiveness and sociability, parents of shy children often worry that their child is at a disadvantage. If you find yourself in this category, it may help you deal with your anxiety to realize that being shy usually comes with some very nice side benefits. In fact, the human race probably wouldn’t still be here were it not for the talents that shy people tend to development. Here are some examples:

Shy Children Tend to be Keen Observers: Because they are so concerned about what other people think about them, shy children work harder than most children at being able to read subtle emotional cues in other people’s behavior and expressions. This is a skill that serves them well in any interactions they have.

Shy Children Tend to be Natural Empathizers: Because they are keen observers and know all too well what it is like to suffer, shy children often develop greater empathy for others than their comparably aged peers.

Shy Children Tend to be Good Imaginers: Because they spend more time on their own, shy children often create inner worlds of great richness. And having a vivid and creative imagination can be enormously useful, helping them excel in many fields.

Shy Children Tend to be Loyal Friends: Because they sometimes have trouble making friends, once they have one, shy children are incredibly loyal. They understand how precious a good friend truly is and go to great lengths to be the very best friend they can be.

So, the next time you begin to worry about your “shy” child, remember that being shy isn’t the huge disadvantage that it’s sometimes made out to be. There are, in fact, many silver linings to be treasured!

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

Laughter is the Best Medicine—at Any Age

This week's topic veers from my usual signing with babies theme to describe a wonderful part of every child's development.

One of the true blessings that comes with being human is the ability to laugh. Laughter takes our minds off our troubles, even if only for a moment, eases tensions, raises our heart rate and spurs our blood to circulate efficiently. And last, but not least, laughter makes us feel happy. No wonder the comics are routinely the most popular part of the newspaper.

What adults often don’t realize is that children begin honing their own comedic skills at impressively young ages. Below are some steps in the development of what we call a “sense of humor” as sketched out by Professor Paul McGhee.

• Tickle, Tickle Time: The very first arena for humor is the physical one, with a baby’s first giggles likely to come as the result of a tickle fest. As the baby’s memory develops, the humor becomes even more intense as she begins to be able to anticipate the touch—as at the end of a game like “Gitcha…gitcha…gitcha….GOTCHA!”

• The Old “Diaper on the Head Routine”: During the 2nd year, visual humor is added to tactile humor. As they become familiar with the functions of common objects—what they are expected to do--babies begin to find humor in violations of those expectations. That’s why talking into a banana as though it were a phone, trying to stuff your own foot into your baby’s shoe, or putting a diaper on your head brings down the proverbial house!

• A Rose by Any Other Name is…Hilarious: In a similar fashion, once toddlers begin to use and understand words, they start to find it funny when words are used in the wrong contexts. Calling a cow a horse, calling a sock a shoe, or making a funny guess about something’s name (“I bet your name is Bubbles! Am I right”?”) is bound to generate a laugh.

• Tickle, Pickle, Wickle Time: For preschoolers, now that language is well developed, playing with the sounds of words is fun. This is when tongue twisters start to be entertaining and songs like “Apples and Bananas.”

• Riddled with Meaning: As children continue to hone their language skills, they begin to appreciate that words have multiple meanings and that using a meaning other than the one expected is a great source of humor.
Question: What happens when you irritate a clock?
Answer: It gets ticked off!

So, even if you’re heard your child’s joke a million times, go ahead and laugh! Remember, supporting your child’s attempts at humor really is important because, at its core, humor is creative. In understanding that a joke is funny, children are demonstrating the ability to do a bit of mental gymnastics that is not only good cognitive practice, but also good for the soul.

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

Signing and Child Care: A Wonderful Partnership!

We’re delighted to report that more and more child care centers are becoming “Certified Baby Signs® Centers.” This designation means that their teachers have received formal training in how to incorporate the Baby Signs® Program into their infant and toddler classroom and are dedicated to helping the children in their care enjoy the benefits of enhanced communication at school as well as at home. (Click here to find a Certified Baby Signs® Center in your community.)

We here at Baby Signs, Inc. developed a specific training for child care centers because of research conducted by a former student of ours, Dr. Claire Vallotton, at the UC Davis Center for Child and Family Studies. Her data revealed that signing in the classroom . . .

• reduces frustration and tears, thereby making classrooms more peaceful and children less anxious,
• decreases biting and other aggressive behaviors that occur when children don’t have words,
• builds trust between babies and caregivers because children are confident their needs will be met,
• motivates caregivers to pay closer attention to children and, therefore, to respond to their needs more quickly and more appropriately,
• promotes positive emotional development by enabling children to express emotions and feelings, including empathy,
• provides a universal language so that children and caregivers who don’t speak the same language can still communicate.

Who wouldn’t want their child to be in an environment where all these wonderful benefits are available?

So, if your child care program doesn’t yet use signing in the classroom, by all means encourage the director to visit our website and learn how easy it is to incorporate the Baby Signs® Program into small and large child care settings. Finally, don’t forget that there’s strength in numbers. Find out whether other families with children in your center are also signing at home and work together to make your case. Everyone will benefit!

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

How Would You Feel If. . . .

Once again, I’m detouring from my usual discussion of signing with babies to some parenting advice drawn from my book with Dr. Susan Goodwyn entitled Baby Hearts: A Guide to Giving Your Child an Emotional Head Start.

“I’m so disappointed in you! Go to your room and think about what you did!”

These two sentences are hardly rare. Most parents probably have uttered them at one time or another. However, just because they are typical doesn’t mean they are a good idea! In addition to implying that love will be withdrawn, these messages leave out at least two very important pieces of information: (1) why what the child did wasn’t a good idea, and (2) what should have been done instead. The words succeed in making the child feel bad, but they don’t teach her how to be better in the future.

How would you feel if the same message was addressed to you? Suppose you had just gotten off the phone with a very disagreeable customer whose outrageous accusations caused your own temper to flare. Now suppose your boss, overhearing your end of the conversation, steps into your office and says, “I’m so disappointed in you. Go home and think about what you did.”

Can you see how unhelpful that is? You probably already know that you didn’t handle the situation well; what you don’t know is how you should have handled it: Called on your boss to take the call? Used some stock phrases to placate the customer? Claimed the call was breaking up and disconnected? Thanks to your boss’ choice of words, you still don’t know and may well find yourself in the same situation tomorrow. And to make matters words, you now feel humiliated as well as angry.

Well, guess what? Young children have the same reaction but with even less ability to think about alternative behaviors even if they wanted to! They need alternatives explained calmly and clearly. Keep this in mind the next time you are tempted to send this message—to anyone.

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis