Make Older Sibs Part of the Signing Team

A while back I focused in this blog on the challenges parents face when they upset the family dynamics by adding another baby to the mix. In that regard, it doesn’t come as a surprise that the displaced child is vulnerable to feelings of jealousy and resentment. This week’s message is about how signing has helped ease the tensions of sibling rivalry for many families.

Teaching a baby to sign requires lots of enthusiasm and repetition. “Doggie! [SIGN] See the doggie? [SIGN] What a nice doggie! [SIGN]” The truth is that, especially at first, parents can feel a bit shy about waving their hands around as they ramp up the enthusiasm factor in their voices and faces. In contrast, preschool and school age kids often enjoy acting “silly” and, as a consequence, seldom have a problem providing the energy that makes modeling signs for babies most effective. Because babies love watching their older siblings, these pint-sized teachers do a great job. What’s more. they take great pride in having successfully taught their baby brother or sister a sign. “Watch Mom! She can sign DOG now!”

The obvious benefit here is that the baby learns more signs. But the more subtle benefit is that the older sibling feels an allegiance with the parents as part of the signing “team”—making being older (and wiser) more attractive—and thereby helping offset feelings of jealousy.

So, if you have an older sib available to help teach signs, make it fun. Suggest he/she look for pictures of target objects (e.g., dogs when teaching the DOG sign) in magazines—or even draw them—to post around the house. Soon you’ll see big sister dragging the little one over to the pictures and demonstrating the signs with great gusto. The more the merrier, we always say!

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

A Simple Challenge Saves a Rainy Day

It's a very stormy Monday out here in "sunny" northern California, a situation that put me in mind of a tip to share with housebound families. A month or so ago I wrote about how to provide a new landscape for your crawling baby by putting pillows from the sofa or chairs on the floor. Today I want build on that theme with a tip for toddlers. As is true with crawling, when children first begin to walk, they take great pleasure in the act itself. Rather than always moving to get a toy or reach a door, for the newly walking toddler the simple process of getting from here to there is often enough.

The truth of this observation was brought home to me one rainy day when I was babysitting my 18-month-old twin grandchildren, Nate and Olivia. I was just about out of ideas for entertaining them when I happened to spy a folded up card table in the laundry room. Hmmm…what could I do with that? At first I set it up and draped a sheet over it hoping they would be intrigued by a new “cave” to hide in. No luck. For some reason they were scared to go in. (This idea worked great a few months later.)

Feeling disappointed, I collapsed the card table and just left it (top up) on the floor as I went to let the dog out. When I turned back around, much to my delight, I found Nate and Olivia giggling as they stepped up the 1.5 inches to the top of the table, moved around the top a bit, and then gingerly stepped down again! Now, that might not seem all that exciting to you and me, but to a newly walking child, the challenge of stepping up and down this slight rise without losing one’s balance was a source of great satisfaction—and fun. Believe it or not, that card table kept them occupied for nearly 30 minutes!

Sometimes the simplest pleasures give the greatest joy.

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

Potty Training Success Story—with twins!

As I have made very clear over the past two years, I am the proud Grammy to twins, Nate and Olivia, 2 1/2 last Thanksgiving. In addition, as many of you know, I’m also the proud co-originator (with Dr. Susan Goodwyn) of the Baby Signs® Potty Training Program. The program is designed to help reverse the trend in this country towards later and later potty training—a trend that has resulted in an average age of 37 months and climbing!

Why the trend? Parents these days are busier than ever and universally dread potty training. Any excuse to put it off, therefore, is welcome. Corporate America in the shape of the disposable diaper industry has conveniently provided the means in the form of bigger and bigger diapers, now up to Size 7, big enough for a 6-year-old child!

Not surprisingly, I gave my daughter-in-law, Julie, our Complete Potty Training Kit when the twins were about 15 months old. After a delay of a few months, Julie began just as we suggest, by carefully reading the short instruction book and, since then, has followed the step-by-step advice to a “T.” She had them help her pick out two potty chairs, placed them in the bathroom side by side, and began to talk about using the potty. At the same time, she introduced them to the fun DVD that comes in the kit showing our animated Baby Signs® DiaperDoodle™ characters going through the potty routine using 5 key signs to help them communicate and singing the potty-time songs. They loved the DVD and began to understand what the funny chairs were all about. Over the next months, she followed the instructions to introduce a few routine “potty-sitting” times (e.g., in the morning and before their bath). Sure enough, they occasionally were successful and she made a great “to do” about each occasion.

One important point we make in the book is that parents really need to think through when they can afford the time and energy for the last big push where the focus on potty training is consistent and intense. What with the pressure of two careers and the added challenge of dealing with twins, that time was hard to find—until this past Thanksgiving. Julie was bound and determined to not put it off any longer. So, on Friday, the diapers were “gone” (except for night-time pull-ups), the chart for stickers was posted in the bathroom, the reward jar was ready (yes, candy), and the fun began. Low and behold, all the preparation paid off, and by Monday, both twins were peeing—and pooping!—in the potty with nary an accident since!

The photo above is one I took when I babysat them about a week later (the caption of which could be, "When you're done, Dear, could I see the sports page?"). Talk about cute! Needless to say, I am so proud of all of them!

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

Another Cute Signing Story

Over the past 18 months I’ve frequently shared stories about little Julia, baby daughter of Baby Signs® staff member, Bonita. Julia is now 20 months old and her verbal language is bursting out at an amazing rate. But that doesn’t mean she’s given up signing. In fact, her sign vocabulary also continues to grow, now topping 200, spurred on by the fact that her parents both sign fluently in order to communicate with deaf grandparents.

Everyone at Baby Signs, Inc. is delighted that Julia is continuing to sign because she is an unending source of marvelous signing stories. Here’s the latest one.

A month or so ago, Julia and Bonita traveled from California to Virginia to attend a family event. As they were waiting for a flight in the gate area of the airport, a mom strolled up with her own small baby tucked into a front pack so that mom and baby were chest to chest. Julia was clearly fascinated and began looking intently at the pair with a quizzical expression on her face. Exactly why she was puzzled became clear when she began to sign…TURTLE! Yes, as the baby stretched its head up out of the pack and then down again, it did indeed resemble a turtle pulling its head in and out of its shell!

Because of the sign, Bonita knew exactly what Julia was thinking and was able to say, “Yes, you’re right! It does look like a turtle!” Without the sign, Julia would have had no way to let her mom know what she was thinking—and I wouldn’t have had such a cute story to share!

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

Beware: Conformity Starts Early!

I just read an interesting research article in the latest issue of the professional journal, Child Development. Because it has lessons for parents, I’m going to digress from talking about signing with babies and share it with you.

We all know how vulnerable teenagers are to peer pressure, but did you know that preschoolers are too? I don’t mean here the tendency for 3- and 4-year-olds to begin mimicking their playmates during play—one child imitating another child who has started to twirl around or act like a monkey. That’s just fun and has no important implications. The conformity at issue here is more insidious and has to do with agreeing publicly with an opinion expressed by others when the truth is that one’s own opinion is very different--in other words, hiding one’s own beliefs because they clash with one’s peers’ beliefs.

It turns out that 4-year-olds are vulnerable to this kind of peer pressure. How did the researchers discover this truth? In a very clever way. They sat groups of 4 children in cubbies arranged so that they couldn’t see each other but could hear each other answer questions posed by the “teacher.” The questions referred to specially designed picture books the children were given. The left page of each 2-page spread in the book showed three drawings of an animal (say a tiger) that were identical except for size. One was big (the “daddy” tiger), one was middle-sized (the “mommy” tiger) and one was small (the “baby” tiger). The right page of each spread showed one of these three versions and the child’s task was to tell the teacher which one it was: the daddy, mommy, or baby. The trick here was the fact that three of the children held copies of the same book while one child (who was always asked last) had a different book designed so the correct answer would clash with what the other children said. What they found was that the children—not always, but about a third of the time—would agree with what the other three kids had said even though they knew that answer to be wrong for their book.

Reading the results of this study brought back a real life example involving my son when he was about 3 ½ and had just started nursery school (see photo above). Up until that point his playmates of convenience happened to always be girls, a fact which bothered him not at all. Then, one day a month or into the school year, I noticed that he had colored every picture in a coloring book save one: a single girl swinging on a swing. “Kai, why didn’t you color this one?” His answer: “Because boys don’t play with girls.” When I next observed the playground at the school, I saw that this was in fact true there—the girls played with girls and the boys with boys. Interestingly, however, when he was at home and not where his male peers could see (and no doubt judge him), Kai continued to play very happily with the same girls he always had.

Why is this significant? It’s bad enough when it’s a gender issue, but substitute not playing with children of contrasting ethnicities and you can see how easily and at what young ages prejudices get started.

So, fellow parents, as we look forward to a new year, what I’m hoping is that “forewarned is forearmed” as the saying goes. In other words, knowing that even preschoolers are vulnerable to peer pressure can motivate you to begin even earlier to help your child understand the importance of thinking for oneself.

Happy New Year (and don't forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

“Signs” of the Holidays!

What the holidays mean for many of us is the opportunity to get together with family and friends to reminisce about times past and to make good memories for the future. In many families these celebrations are made even sweeter by the addition of babies and toddlers who still have stars in their eyes when they see holiday sights or hear holiday sounds. Seeing their joy can make even the most reluctant “Scrooge” smile.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if these special little people could tell us more about what they are thinking—what is fascinating them as they gaze at a decorated tree or blazing candle? Well now they can! The secret is one that more and more families are discovering: helping babies and toddlers communicate using simple signs. In fact, around this time of year we hear wonderful stories of how children who can’t yet talk are still able to tell their parents what they see, what they hear, and even what they feel as they encounter holiday symbols. Here’s a brand new one from staff member, Bonita, about her 19-month-old daughter Julia (see photos).

Julia and Bonita had just returned from a brief visit to Grandma’s house in Virginia. That evening when Dad came home, Julia took his hand and led him over to the Christmas tree and pointed to a new ornament. Dad asked her where it had come from and Julia responded using signs: GRANDMA + TREE + ONE+ HOME. “Oh!” responded Dad. “Grandma let you pick one from her tree to bring home?” to which Julia proudly said loud and clear,“Yup!” Without the signs, Dad would never have understood why the ornament was special!

Here are a few more holiday examples from our Baby Signs® files:

• 13-month-old Jared was mesmerized when his father first plugged in the string of lights wound around the Christmas tree, immediately opening and closing his fist (his sign for “light”) over and over as he grinned from ear to ear. For the next 3 weeks, as soon as he woke up in the morning, he would eagerly sign “light,” clearly sending the message that he remembered what was in the living room.

• 15-month-old Maddy had been pretty leery of the bearded man in the bright red suit inviting her to sit on his lap in the department store and had cried until her mother sat with her. From then on, whenever she saw a picture of Santa Claus she would rapidly pat her chest (her sign for “afraid”) and then move her open hands up and down her chest (her sign for “clothes”). Why “clothes?” Maddy’s mom quickly figured it out: “Clothes” was as close to “Claus” as Maddy could get!

• Ever since his first birthday, 16-month-old Jacob had been fascinated with candles and had quickly learned the “candle” sign: blowing on a raised index finger. That’s why his parents weren’t surprised at Jacob’s attraction to menorahs, the 9-branched candelabrum used during the Jewish holiday, Chanukah. What did surprise them, though, was Jacob’s creativity. Instead of raising a single finger when he saw a menorah, Jacob quite deliberately would raise his whole hand with fingers spread, blowing on each in turn!

With simple signs, these babies, and thousands like them, are making sweet, new holiday memories for their families. What’s more, the wonderful thing is that it’s so easy. Just as babies learn to wave bye-bye and shake their heads for no and nod for yes, they can easily learn lots of other signs to help them share what they’re thinking with those they love. And, the truth is, what better holiday present could parents receive then a priceless window into their baby’s mind and heart?

Happy Holidays and Happy Signing (and don't forget to visit us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

Stranger Anxiety: A Holiday Hazard

Some of my most enduring memories of Christmas with my own children were the annual visits with Santa. Born in the fall and still babes-in-arms by Christmas, their first experiences with Santa were uneventful. Things had changed dramatically, however, by Christmas #2--when the kids were about 15 months old. They would have nothing to do with the jolly old man! I was disappointed but hardly surprised. They were both at that second Christmas at the height of what is called “Stranger Anxiety.”

As I reflect back some 25 years to those early experiences with kids and Santa, it got me thinking again about Stranger Anxiety as a developmental phenomenon that kids of any generation go through. It may be easy to deal with Santa by simply avoiding him, but it’s not so easy to deal with the anxiety that arises when new relatives visit during the holidays or when a new caregiver is introduced. To refresh my memory of how to deal with Stranger Anxiety, I got down a copy of the book I co-authored with Dr. Susan Goodwyn, Baby Hearts: A Guide to Giving Your Child an Emotional Head Start, looked the term up in the index and, sure enough, found a list of tips that can help.

Insist that people approach slowly and smoothly. Strangers, no matter how well intentioned, who swoop into a young child’s space end up overwhelming his/her with feelings of vulnerability. Because feeling overwhelmed is the exact opposite of feeling in control, the result is fear.

Provide a prop. Providing the stranger with your child’s favorite toy or an attractive new toy is another helpful ploy because it works to distract the child from the newness of the visitor and defines him or her as having something positive to contribute.

Teach the stranger favorite signs. If your child is using signs from our Baby Signs® Program, as we fervently hope is the case, prepare the stranger ahead of time by teaching him or her a few of your child’s current favorites. We all feel safer with people who share our language!

Enthusiastically introduce the stranger. Get into the habit of introducing people to your child with expressions of sincere delight. This may sound odd if your baby is very young, but even by 4 months babies are sensitive to facial expressions and tone of voice—and by 10 months they are purposefully monitoring these emotional cues to judge what their own reaction should be.

Be patient and understanding! Stranger anxiety is a normal part of development and actually indicates the onset of important advances in intelligence and memory. It means that children are truly thinking about what’s happening, comparing faces with those they remember, and figuring out how to regulate their own emotions—in this case by avoiding the stranger. If you can think of Stranger Anxiety as a manifestation of progress in your child’s development, it will be easier to be patient.

Stranger Anxiety is one of the earliest and most universal forms of fear that young children experience. If you're interested in what some other common fears are and tips for dealing with them, check out Chapter 7 of our book, Baby Hearts, “Monsters and Meanies: Addressing Fear and Anxiety.”

Happy Holidays (and don't forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda
Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis