Let’s Hear it for Being Shy!

Do you have a “shy” child? I have two! Both my son and daughter come by their shyness honestly because neither one of their parents could be called extroverted. In fact, learning to overcome my inherently shy personality in order to stand up in front of large classes of undergraduates required years of patience and practice.

Oh dear! Even in this opening paragraph I’ve fallen victim to a reaction to shyness typical of Western culture. Because Western cultures tend to value assertiveness and sociability, parents of shy children often worry that their child is at a disadvantage. If you find yourself in this category, it may help you deal with your anxiety to realize that being shy usually comes with some very nice side benefits. In fact, the human race probably wouldn’t still be here were it not for the talents that shy people tend to development. Here are some examples:

· Shy Child Tend to be Keen Observers: Because they are so concerned about what other people think about them, shy children work harder than most children at being able to read subtle emotional cues in other people’s behavior and expressions. This is a skill that serves them well in any interactions they have.

· Shy Child Tend to be Natural Empathizers: Because they are keen observers and know all too well what it is like to suffer, shy children often develop greater empathy for others than their comparably aged peers.

· Shy Child Tend to be Good Imaginers: Because they spend more time on their own, shy children often create inner worlds of great richness. And having a vivid and creative imagination can be enormously useful, helping them excel in many fields.

· Shy Child Tend to be Loyal Friends: Because they sometimes have trouble making friends, once they have one, shy children are incredibly loyal. They understand how precious a good friend truly is and go to great lengths to be the very best friend they can be.

So, the next time you begin to worry about your “shy” child, remember that being shy isn’t the huge disadvantage that it’s sometimes made out to be. There are, in fact, many silver linings to be treasured!

Happy Signing (and don't forget to visit Baby Signs on Facebook!),

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.

Co-Founder, the Baby Signs Program,

Co-Author of Baby Hearts: A Guide to Giving Your Child an Emotional Head Start

and

Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

The Power of the “More” Sign

Having brought up the subject of my twin grandchildren, Nate and Olivia, last week, I have to share a funny signing story from a while ago. The occasion was the twins’ first birthday, the sign was “more” (done very emphatically)--and the requested entity? Given the situation, you may be able to guess--and the photo may provide a clue. Yup, more cake. With their mouths stuffed to the max with the sweet stuff, the sign came in particularly handy! (Actually, given the unexpected “disappearance” of his first piece as shown in the photo, I’m surprised Nate didn’t also hold his palms out while shrugging his shoulders—the standard sign for “Where is it!”)

Nate’s enthusiastic use of the sign “more,” brings up an interesting point. It’s remarkable how quickly and apparently effortlessly babies begin generalizing the sign for “more” beyond food. Like other babies, without any prompting the twins began using it to ask for things as varied as another book, another push on the swing, more bubbles, continuation of their favorite tickle game, and even more opportunities to hang upside down from daddy’s arms! The ease with which such generalization takes place in the minds of little children speaks volumes about the unique talent the human species has for learning language. It also makes clear how desperate infants and toddlers are for ways to communicate their wants and needs to those they love and how effective signing is in filling the gap before words are possible.

Happy Signing! (And don't forget to follow us on Facebook!)

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.

Co-Founder, the Baby Signs Program

and

Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

Signing: A Priceless Gift for One Little Girl

Ever hear someone say, “Oh, signing---that’s just parlor tricks for babies. You say a word and they produce the sign. How is that any different from a dog who rolls over when you say the words?” Whenever I hear comments like this I know that that person has been around a signing baby enough to see Baby Signs in action. So, what do I say in response? I tell them the following story:

Heather, a Baby Signs instructor in Iowa, had a baby daughter who started using signs at about 10 months and became quite the signer by 14 months. It was at this point that the baby began to have what looked like severe temper tantrums. She would flail her arms and legs and twist her head back and forth, often falling to the floor. When Heather sought help, she was simply told that it was probably just the terrible-twos starting early. But then Heather noticed that each time her daughter had one of these “spells,” she would tap her index fingers together—the sign for HURT. That’s when Heather knew something serious was wrong—and she was right. Heather insisted that she see a pediatric neurologist who discovered that her daughter had Childhood Epilepsy! Fortunately, because it was diagnosed extremely early, she escaped any long term neurological problems and has done so well that she was spared long term medication.

Certainly doesn’t sound like “parlor tricks” to me! How about you?

Happy Signing! (And don't forget to visit us on Facebook!)

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.

Co-Founder, the Baby Signs Program (the original and onbly research-based sign language program for hearing babies)

and

Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

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What Exactly Does “Ba” Mean?

Hi Everyone--and welcome to our Baby Signs blog!

Besides being co-founder of the Baby Signs Program (the original and only research based sign language program for hearing babies), I'm also the very proud grandmother to two wonderful, 20-month-old twins, Nate and Olivia. Not surprisingly, they were encouraged to use signs and did, indeed, pick them up with enthusiasm. It was so much fun--and brought back fond memories of the signing that started the whole movement--my daughter Kate's signing back in 1982.

Well, Nate and Olivia, as they approach their second birthday, are getting more and more words. Most of these words, unfortunately, sound pretty much the same. For example, Olivia currently says something like “ba” for “baby,” “ball,” and “bottle.” That makes her habit of still using the appropriate sign when she says “ba” a godsend. Instead of looking at her in frustration and listing all the possibilities, I can correctly interpret her word ( “Oh, baby! You see the baby!” ), and she is absolutely thrilled to be understood.

Using signs to clarify what they are trying to say is an advantage of baby sign language that is often overlooked—until a parent very gratefully sees it in action. It turns out to be important because receiving positive attention for trying to talk is an important incentive that motivates children to keep working hard to add new words. Just think how discouraging it is to be struggling to be understood in a foreign country when you can’t say the words quite right. It’s enough to make you want to retreat in silence to your hotel room!

Children are the same. Having signs to add to their fledgling words alleviates both their frustration—and ours!

Happy Signing! (And don't forget to visit us on Facebook.)

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.

Co-Founder, the Original Baby Signs Program

Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

Guilt versus Shame: It Matters to Kids!

Many parents assume that shame and guilt are synonymous—that they are two words for the same internal, not-very-pleasant feeling that occurs when we’ve done something of which others disapprove. However, researchers looking at the development of emotions in children feel it’s very important to distinguish between them shame and guilt, for parents to understand the differences, and for parent to steer clear of instilling shame whenever possible.

So, what are the differences? There are two that stand out:

· First and most central, there’s a difference between shame and guilt in where the person feels the error or “deficiency” lies. In the case of shame, the entire “self” is perceived as bad. In the case of guilt, the specific action, rather than the “self” is perceived as bad. For example, a child who feels shame over having broken a precious knickknack might say to herself, “I’m a bad bad girl,” while a child feeling guilty might say instead “Oh dear, I should have been more careful!”

· A second important difference is in the actions which tend to follow once the misdeed is discovered. In the case of shame, because the internal feeling of being bad is so distressing, the person’s inclination is to flee the scene—to escape—or even more problematic, to blame the victim. Our little girl, for example, might say to herself, or even aloud, “It’s Grandma’s fault for leaving it there!” In contrast, a person who feels guilty, rather than trying to flee, is motivated to try to make amends, to right whatever wrong was done, and to prove it was a one-time-only lapse in judgment. In this case, our little girl might say, “I’m so sorry, Grandma! Maybe I can make you something pretty to take its place.”

Why does it matter whether a child tends to feel shame or to feel guilt? Because research shows that feelings of shame are more likely to result in hostility, depression, and a lack of empathy for others.

Given that all kids misbehave at one time or another, how can you avoid instilling a sense of shame? Quite simply, watch what you say! Instead of saying things like “You’re a bad girl” or “I’m disappointed in you,” emphasize the consequences of the misdeed, why you disapprove of the child’s behavior, and what can be done to make amends. Remember, children who are told often that they are “bad” gradually find themselves living up to your expectations in what psychologists call a self-fulfilling prophecy.

There you have it. Some important information to help you make sure your child is on the path to healthy emotional development.

(And don't forget to encourage your child to use signs. Sign language for babies is a great way to make start a baby or toddler on the way to feeling good about him/herself!)

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.

Co-Founder, the Baby Signs Program

and

Professor Emeritus, UC Davis