Make Room for Dolls!

A few days ago I wrote about the “Truck” gene and how my 18-month-old grandson was totally “gaga” over trucks. Well, that’s still true, but there’s another side to the story that pleases me no end.

Before Christmas my daughter-in-law, Julie, decided to give Olivia, Nate’s twin sister, a baby stroller and baby doll. The more she thought about it, however, the more concerned she became over not doing the same for Nate. Her motivation was partly philosophical (not wanting to perpetuate gender stereotypes) and partly practical ( knowing how Nate and Olivia, fight over toys). Because of these concerns, and despite feeling a bit extravagant, she purchased an identical stroller and similar baby doll for Nate.

Turns out it was a good thing that she did. Although his two Christmas trucks still hold a special place in his heart, he is also enthusiastically tooling around the house with a baby doll (any will do) in his stroller! Not only that, but he was the first of the two children to put a doll to bed in the wooden toy cradle that my husband and I made for them and rock the cradle back and forth! Actually, it shouldn’t come as a complete surprise because the twins witness their dad, Jim, doing these kinds of things every single day with a smile on his face and obvious joy in his heart.

What lessons do I take from this? Here’s the first: Yes, both girls and boys may have a hierarchy for play, placing one type of toy at the very top (trucks for Nathan), but that doesn’t mean that they don’t also get pleasure out of others. Like adults, children are not one-dimensional. The second lesson is even more important: Especially if they see the males they love modeling such behavior, little boys who love trucks can also love nurturing children and see it as a natural activity than any girl or boy can truly enjoy.

Happy New Year!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.

Co-Founder, the Baby Signs Program

and

Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

The "Truck" Gene

When I started graduate school in Developmental Psychology at the University of Minnesota in 1969, the Woman’s Movement was just getting underway. Yes, I joined a “consciousness raising group” and started complaining about how my boyfriend wouldn’t pick up his wet towels and constantly left dirty clothes wherever he took them off. I also started religiously using “he/she,” instead of just “he” in my writings and talked about the Chair” of our department rather than the “Chairman.” (I was never willing, however, to give up my bra having waited until nearly age 18 to even need one!)

The Woman’s Movement was having an even more profound effect on the science of Developmental Psychology. Up to this point there had been an underlying assumption that, of course, little boys and little girls are very different. Now the shift was strongly in the opposite direction: little boys and little girls, while undeniably different physically, are not different in talents, penchants, or psychological traits until society makes them so! It was our differential treatment of boys and girls from the time they are clothed in pink vs. blue baby blankets that accounts for the myriad differences we see later.

Many wonderful things came out of this shift: Title IX calling for equal support of women’s sports, concern about getting girls interested in math and science, general shifts in attitudes toward “traditional” roles (girls can be doctors!) to name only a few.

There is one area, however, where change has not happened—and not for want of trying. In fact, our failure to equate little boys and girls in this domain has contributed mightily to a shifting of the pendulum back toward a middle position, toward admitting there are some fundamental behavioral differences between little boys and little girls (at least on average) and that’s fine!

I’m talking about the “truck” gene which, I am increasingly positive, is located on the Y chromosome and, therefore, primarily found in little boys. Despite the efforts of now generations of parents to make sure that little boys have access to dolls and little girls have access to trucks, it’s increasingly clear that love affair between little boys and trucks is not going away!

I’ve seen this up close and personal with my twin grandchildren, Nate and Olivia. Olivia’s first sign was MOON and her first word was “more;” Nate’s first sign and word was “truck—the later shouted at full volume whenever one is spotted. Yes, he’ll hug a stuffed animal at bedtime and enjoys books about lots of things, but given the choice it’s truck, truck, truck. This was abundantly clear Christmas morning when Nate practically leaped from one end of the couch to the other as his dad began unwrapping a present and the hood of a truck appeared through the paper. “Truck…Dump!” Of course, Grandpa (my husband Larry, the purchaser of the truck) and Dad Jim (the purchaser of an even bigger truck that appeared later that morning) are thrilled. And why not? After all, who do you think passed the truck gene onto Nate!?

Happy Signing,

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.

Co-Founder, the Baby Signs Program

and

Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

Stranger Anxiety: A Holiday Hazard

I asked my daughter-in-law, Julie, the other day if she’d gotten any photos of Nate and Olivia, my 18-month-old twin grandbabies, with Santa Claus. The answer was a resounding “No!” and the reason was because the two of them are at the height of what is called “Stranger Anxiety.” I suggested that maybe they wouldn’t be as frightened as she thinks given that their beloved grandpa (my husband Larry), has a white beard and a very deep voice. Her response was, “Well, then, let’s just have Larry put on a Santa suit!”

We don't have plans to do that, but it got me thinking about Stranger Anxiety as a developmental phenomenon. It may be easy to deal with Santa by simply avoiding him, but it’s not so easy to deal with the anxiety that arises when new relatives visit during the holidays or when a new caregiver is introduced. To refresh my memory of how to deal with Stranger Anxiety, I got down a copy of the book I co-authored with Dr. Susan Goodwyn, Baby Hearts: A Guide to Giving Your Child an Emotional Head Start, looked the term up in the index and, sure enough, found a list of tips that can help.

• Insist that people approach slowly and smoothly. Strangers, no matter how well intentioned, who swoop into a young child’s space end up overwhelming his/her with feelings of vulnerability. Because feeling overwhelmed is the exact opposite of feeling in control, the result is fear.

• Provide a prop. Providing the stranger with your child’s favorite toy or an attractive new toy is another helpful ploy because it works to distract the child from the newness of the visitor and defines him or her as having something positive to contribute.

• Teach the stranger favorite signs: If your child is using signs from our Baby Signs Program, as we fervently hope is the case, prepare the stranger ahead of time by teaching him or her a few of your child’s current favorites, perhaps tying it to the prop being used. We all feel safer with people who share our language!

• Enthusiastically introduce the stranger. Get into the habit of introducing people to your child with expressions of sincere delight. This may sound odd if your baby is very young, but even by 4 months babies are sensitive to facial expressions and tone of voice—and by 10 months they are purposefully monitoring these emotional cues to judge what their own reaction should be.

• Be patient and understanding! Stranger anxiety is a normal part of development and actually indicates the onset of important advances in intelligence and memory. It means that children are truly thinking about what’s happening, comparing faces with those they remember, and figuring out how to regulate their own emotions—in this case by avoiding the stranger. If you can think of Stranger Anxiety as a manifestation of progress in your child’s development, it will be easier to be patient.

Stranger Anxiety is one of the earliest and most universal forms of fear that young children experience. What some other common fears are and tips for dealing with them will be the subject of future postings. If you’re desperate for that information right now, check out Chapter 7 our book Baby Hearts entitled “Monsters and Meanies: Addressing Fear and Anxiety.”

Happy New Year!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.

Co-founder, the Baby Signs Program

and

Professor Emeritus, UC Davis