Birth of the Green-Eyed Monster

In last week’s blog posting, veering a long way from baby sign language, I talked about why it’s understandable that an older sibling might be jealous of the addition of a new baby to the family. This week I want to turn the tables a bit and ask, “What about the baby?”. Won’t there come a point when the baby begins to resent having to share Mommy with the older child? In other words, when does the traditional green-eyed monster called jealousy appear on the scene?

One answer comes from a clever study by developmental researchers Sybil Hart, Tiffany Field, Claudia Del Valle, and March Letourneau that tested 12-month-old babies under two conditions. In one, moms were asked to ignore their children while looking through a picture book. In the other, still ignoring their babies, moms were given a life-size baby doll to cuddle. If simply being ignored is what annoys babies this age, then both situations should be equally upsetting. But that’s not what happened. Instead, these year-old children were significantly more distressed about the doll than the book, suggesting that they specifically resented seeing another “baby” get the cozy comfort of Mommy’s lap.

Looks like sibling rivalry is a two-way street from pretty early on!

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

So, A New Baby is On the Way!

Bear with me as I stray once again from baby sign language and talk about a different parenting issue that many young families face. It’s one that Susan Goodwyn and I address in our book, Baby Hearts.

So, you’re expecting another baby! Wonderful! But creeping into your thoughts at the good news is concern over how the upcoming blessed event will be received by your older child whose place as “Baby” is being usurped.

Although most second-time parents are aware that there may be jealousy, many also assume that reassurances about “enough love for both” should solve the problem. The fact that it doesn’t may actually strike some parents as unreasonable and selfish.

It was in response to such attitudes that A. Faber and E. Mazlich, authors of Siblings without Rivalry, came up with a role-playing strategy that I love and have adapted a bit to share with you below. They suggested that parents put themselves in the shoes of the wife in the following scenario:

HUSBAND: I’ve got a wonderful surprise for you! Now, you know I love you very, very much, honey, don’t you? And you know you’ve brought great joy into my life, right?

WIFE: I love you too!

HUSBAND: Well, here’s the surprise. I’ve enjoyed having my own little wife so much that I thought it would be nice for all of us to have another wife in the family! Won’t that be wonderful?

WIFE: What?!

HUSBAND: Just think about it. You’ll have another wife to play with and maybe even share your room with. And because you’re such a good wife and know so much more than she will about everything, you can help me take care of her. The three of us can go on walks together and read books together…and everything! We’ll all be one, big happy family! Won’t that be fun?

WIFE: Hmph!

Now, don’t you have more sympathy than before for kids who are getting this “wonderful” news? It’s natural for them to be upset and it will take time, love, and plenty of patience to to bring them around. (TIP: Some of you may be lucky enough to find a Baby Signs instructor offering our "Sibling Class" in your area. Visit www.babysigns.com and click on "Find a Class.")

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis
g rivalry

Lots to Cheer About in the Latest AAP Recommendations about TV

Once again the news is full of reports about a statement from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) about TV and children under 2. To find out exactly what the new policy statement says, I bypassed reporters’ interpretations and went straight to the AAP article itself in the latest issue of the journal Pediatrics. What I found there is actually very good news for the Baby Signs® Program in regard to our hugely popular and very effective signing DVDs.

POINT 1: The AAP’s is not banning the use of video programming for children under 2, only urging parents to be cautious about amount and selective about content.

“The AAP realizes that media exposure is a reality for many families in today’s society. If parents choose to engage their young children with electronic media, they should have concrete strategies to manage it…. It is important to set limits and create balance at an early age” (p. 4).

In regard to the need for caution, they make the excellent point that “screen-based” programming (including computers, smart phones, etc.) can be addicting at any age and that it’s up to parents to see that their kids are not losing out on other important experiences like interactions with parents and sibs, being read to, and playing independently.

POINT 2: Much of what is advertized as “educational” for this age group really is not. A main point here is that children under 2 can’t process information very well and, therefore, “are more likely to learn from a live presentation than from a televised one” (p. 2). But here’s the good news for our DVDs. They do cite an exception from the research literature—a 2007 study published in the journal Developmental Psychobiology showing that 12 to 21 month old children were just as likely to imitate specific actions demonstrated via videotape (versus demonstrated by a live person) when “the screen demonstration repeats several times” (AAP, p. 2).”

Hmm… actions that are repeated. Sound familiar? That’s exactly what our signing DVDs do in spades! They aren’t trying to teach abstract concepts like numbers or letters. They demonstrate specific actions (signs) not just several times but many times. So, not only do we know from our own and hundreds of parental reports that our DVDs teach signs, but the AAP provides an independent research foundation for that conclusion.

And don’t forget the fact that being able to sign has been proven (through our federally-funded research) to promote language and cognitive development as well as enrich parent-child interactions. So, if any video programming can be justifiably called “educational,” it’s ours!

CONCLUSION. In my opinion, the AAP is doing a service by warning parents about the potential negative effects of unregulated “screen” time and unsubstantiated claims of material being “educational.” But that’s only part of the story. They are also providing support for our position that if parents need a bit of time to fix dinner, fold the laundry, or even just relax, they can feel very comfortable choosing a Baby Signs® DVD to entertain and educate their baby!

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

Take Advantage of Halloween!

Although it’s hard to believe given that it feels like yesterday was Easter, Halloween is just around the corner. If you’re like my step-son and daughter-in-law, you’re as excited by the chance to dress up your little ones as they are! Nate, now 2 ½ , is going to be Buzz Lightyear and his twin sister Olivia is going to be Ariel from "The Little Mermaid." As the photos show, Grammy and Papa got a preview last night. What's more, there’s no doubt that, come next Monday night, the video camera will come out to record the festivities.

Which brings me to one of my favorite parenting tips. The development of good memory skills is critical to all aspects of learning. In fact, that’s what “learning “is all about—the ability to remember facts, ideas, and skills encountered in the past. Research has shown that parents contribute mightily to how early and easily children begin to hone their memory skills.

Here’s an easy and enjoyable way to support your child’s progress in this critical area. Make use of your family video footage! Whether it’s Halloween, a birthday, or just a precious moment at home, don’t just leave these recordings on the shelf to enjoy years later. Instead, watch them with your child right away. By watching video footage of special events in your child’s life soon after the recordings are made, you are providing a platform for conversations with your child about the past and providing images he or she can use to reconstruct events. It’s just such conversations with parents about the past that research shows help children begin to tie their own memories into cohesive wholes. Besides, it’s lots of fun! Every child enjoys seeing him or herself on the screen.

So, break out the popcorn, enjoy a fun time at the movies with your child, and delight in the fact that you’re helping your child hone memory skills that will serve him or her well for years to come.

Just a simple tip to make supporting your child’s intellectual development a bit easier and more fun!

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis