How Would You Feel If. . . .

Once again, I’m detouring from my usual discussion of signing with babies to some parenting advice drawn from my book with Dr. Susan Goodwyn entitled Baby Hearts: A Guide to Giving Your Child an Emotional Head Start.

“I’m so disappointed in you! Go to your room and think about what you did!”

These two sentences are hardly rare. Most parents probably have uttered them at one time or another. However, just because they are typical doesn’t mean they are a good idea! In addition to implying that love will be withdrawn, these messages leave out at least two very important pieces of information: (1) why what the child did wasn’t a good idea, and (2) what should have been done instead. The words succeed in making the child feel bad, but they don’t teach her how to be better in the future.

How would you feel if the same message was addressed to you? Suppose you had just gotten off the phone with a very disagreeable customer whose outrageous accusations caused your own temper to flare. Now suppose your boss, overhearing your end of the conversation, steps into your office and says, “I’m so disappointed in you. Go home and think about what you did.”

Can you see how unhelpful that is? You probably already know that you didn’t handle the situation well; what you don’t know is how you should have handled it: Called on your boss to take the call? Used some stock phrases to placate the customer? Claimed the call was breaking up and disconnected? Thanks to your boss’ choice of words, you still don’t know and may well find yourself in the same situation tomorrow. And to make matters words, you now feel humiliated as well as angry.

Well, guess what? Young children have the same reaction but with even less ability to think about alternative behaviors even if they wanted to! They need alternatives explained calmly and clearly. Keep this in mind the next time you are tempted to send this message—to anyone.

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

Working Parents and Signing

Working parents sometimes ask me whether they can take advantage of the Baby Signs® Program because they are away from their baby for a good part of the day. The answer is a resounding “Yes!”

Even children in full-time care spend significantly more time with their parents than with outsiders. Who is it, after all, who provides the evening meal and bath, cuddles to read a bedtime book, responds to middle-of-the-night calls for help, and spends weekends dealing with every kind of need?

In fact, signing is a real gift to working parents because it makes the time you do spend together even more peaceful and satisfying. For example, signs work great during those hectic early-morning dressing and eating routines and can also be particularly helpful at the end of the day to reduce feelings of frustration that can arise so easily when everyone is tired.

Speaking of being tired, don’t forget that the sign for “sleep/bed” can be a huge help by enabling babies to actually let parents know that they are tired and ready for sleep. Being able to communicate such an important message is a real boon to both parent and child because everyone avoids the chaos that often ensues when a child moved into the overtired realm.

In short, by clarifying your baby’s needs, signs help mealtime, bath time, and bedtime routines, as well as middle-of-the-night encounters, go more smoothly. They help you reconnect and share your experiences after a long day apart and help turn typically stressful times into warm and precious moments. Whether you’re a working parent or not, signs make day-to-day life a lot more fun for everyone.

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

Signing: A Priceless Window into the Infant Mind

Much to my delight, the good news about baby sign language has spread far and wide—especially in contrast to how few people knew anything about it when Dr. Susan Goodwyn and I published our first research article about babies and signing in 1985.

I do find, however, that many parents and child care providers focus almost exclusively on the signs around mealtime—like EAT, DRINK, MILK, MORE, ALL DONE. What a shame! Yes, babies want and need to communicate these things, but many of them are even more interested in communicating about the exciting things they see in the world around them.

Babies want to tell those they love that they see a doggie, a bird, a butterfly, or a truck. They want to request to read a book, blow bubbles, or go outside. Providing babies with signs for these things, as we do in the Baby Signs® Program, gives them a chance to share their worlds with adults—and gives adults an amazing window into the infant mind.

Here’s a story that illustrates just how signing helps babies tell us what’s on their minds. It’s a story that came to us via email from the Netherlands many years ago and is still one of our favorites:

When a man with dreadlocks sat down across from fourteen-month-old Sam and his mother on the bus, Sam turned to her an signed HAT. “Oh honey, I know it looks like a hat, but it’s really hair,” whispered his mother. Sam turned back to the man, stared intently, and very emphatically repeated the HAT sign. Catching on to the situation, the young man invited Sam to feel his dreadlocks for himself. No sooner had Sam’s fingers touched the man’s hair than Sam, his eyes wide with surprise, made the HAIR sign. The message was as clear as if he had spoken the words: “It is hair!”

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis