Keeping Mom No. 1

I remember vividly when my daughter-in-law called me in tears, worried that her then 10-month-old twins would end up loving their child care provider more than they loved her. I assured her that this anxiety is typical of moms who have to have their children in child care, and I shared some tips with her. The basic one is the following:

Create fun routines that involve activities that are unlikely to be part of child care. Because they are only done at home, they will stick out in the child’s mind. Children find routines of any kind comforting and these home-only routines will become special times with mom and/or dad that your child can look forward to. Here are some possibilities:

Bath time. Almost all kids love to splash in the bath before bedtime. Instead of thinking of this as one more chore to get through, appreciate it as an opportunity to share a fun experience with your child with which child care can’t compete. Bath time also has the advantage of being a chance to relate to more than one child at a time.

Singing. Choose specific songs that only you sing to your child—maybe one for first thing in the morning, one for bedtime, and one for riding in the car. It’s not unusual for grown children to speak nostalgically about such songs and even repeat them with their own kids.

Dancing. I’ve never met a baby or toddler who didn’t like to be held in Mom’s or Dad’s arms and jiggled up, down, and around in time to a favorite CD song. This might be a great routine for when you reunite.

Watching a DVD together. Many child care providers avoid DVDs and yet, cuddling once a day with a child in front of an appropriate DVD can be an intimate and cozy experience (being sure to talk about what’s on the screen—and, whatever you do, not using DVDs in place of books!). For example, my daughter-in-law used the Baby Signs My Bedtime Signs DVD to cuddle and wind the twins down at night before book time, each one clutching his or her own Baby BeeBo.

(By the way, it took only one bad cold during which the twins stuck to her like glue to convince her she had nothing to worry about in the attachment domain!)

Have fun!
Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D. .
Co-Founder the Baby Signs Program and
Professor Emeritus, University of California

The iPad Generation? What’s a Parent to Do?

It was just a few years ago that all parents had to worry about was whether or not their young child was watching too much TV and/or too many DVDs. Now, however, fundamentally different media experiences have been added to the mix. I’m talking about the interactive platforms provided by smart phones (e.g., the iPhone) and tablets (e.g., the iPad). As the photo above of my twin grandchildren, Nathan and Olivia, indicates, the pros and cons of time with these platforms is an issue even in our family.

How prevalent are these items these days? A recent Wall Street Journal article, citing a survey from last year by a non-profit group called Common Sense Media, reported that 39% of 2-to-4-year-olds and 52% of 5-to-8-year-olds have used some form of touch screen platform. Given that the popularity of such devices seems to be growing by the proverbial leaps and bounds, I would bet those percentages are even higher now!

On the plus side, the educational games available as “Apps” are, for the most part, interactive—meaning that they enable even toddlers to make decisions and effect changes by simply touching the screen. This is very different from the primarily passive experiences that TV and DVDs typically provide. And the small amount of research that does exist suggests that well designed games do promote learning.

On the negative side--as anyone who’s tried to wrest an iPad out of the hands of a child can attest to—these devices could be called, as one parent described them to me, “crack for kids.” In other words, kids love themn and don’t want to stop playing with them. The concern is that time spent playing with them is time not spent romping around with other kids, building with legos, nurturing one’s imagination through pretend play, or having conversations with the big people who love them.

So what’s a parent to do? Until we have more research, my best advice is “all things in moderation.” What this means is setting consistent, logical limits by saying “No, enough is enough” and taking the device away. In fact, think of this as an opportunity to get some really helpful practice setting limits—a skill that, trust me, will continue to come in handy until your child leaves home. With short term or long term limits in place that your child can come to understand and anticipate, this will also be a valuable lesson for her as well.

Visit us on Facebook and tell us what you think? What have you tried with your kids that might work for others. This is definitely a discussion worth having!

Happy Signing (and don't forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs Program

and

Professor Emeritus, UC Davis