Baby Hearts: Teaching Toddlers to be Kind

One of the most important values that parents pass on to their children is empathy—that is, the ability to recognize what other people are feeling AND the willingness to take action to help them feel better—and in general to be kind and helpful to others. As Dr. Susan Goodwyn and I point out in our book, Baby Hearts, feeling empathy for others is important to your child’s future because research shows that children who are high in empathy are more popular with their peers, get along better with teachers and other adults, and in general, tend to live lives that garner them respect and affection.

What can you do to help your child develop this important emotional trait? The photo I’ve added to the right of this posting provides a clue to one easy strategy. The photo shows my 22-month-old granddaughter, Olivia, very carefully filling our dog’s food bowl. The strategy it illustrates is to provide lessons in empathy by involving your child with the care of animals. Children are naturally attracted to animals and seem to easily grasp the dependence of many animals (particularly pets) on the love and attention of humans. If your child is too young for a major pet (such as a dog or cat) or other circumstances rule them out, try installing a bird feeder outside or an aquarium inside. Be sure to talk about how animals feel many of the same feelings your child does—like hunger, thirst (except for fish, of course!) and pain—and also explain how to properly care for the animal. Even very young children can help feed fish, add seed to a bird feeder, or fill a pet’s water bowl—and lessons about being gentle can never begin too early.

Use this strategy and you’re be laying the foundation for the very important trait of feeling empathy for PEOPLE.

Happy Signing! (And don't forget to visit Baby Signs on Facebook!)

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.

Co-Founder, the Baby Signs Program

and

Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

Let’s Hear it for Being Shy!

Do you have a “shy” child? I have two! Both my son and daughter come by their shyness honestly because neither one of their parents could be called extroverted. In fact, learning to overcome my inherently shy personality in order to stand up in front of large classes of undergraduates required years of patience and practice.

Oh dear! Even in this opening paragraph I’ve fallen victim to a reaction to shyness typical of Western culture. Because Western cultures tend to value assertiveness and sociability, parents of shy children often worry that their child is at a disadvantage. If you find yourself in this category, it may help you deal with your anxiety to realize that being shy usually comes with some very nice side benefits. In fact, the human race probably wouldn’t still be here were it not for the talents that shy people tend to development. Here are some examples:

· Shy Child Tend to be Keen Observers: Because they are so concerned about what other people think about them, shy children work harder than most children at being able to read subtle emotional cues in other people’s behavior and expressions. This is a skill that serves them well in any interactions they have.

· Shy Child Tend to be Natural Empathizers: Because they are keen observers and know all too well what it is like to suffer, shy children often develop greater empathy for others than their comparably aged peers.

· Shy Child Tend to be Good Imaginers: Because they spend more time on their own, shy children often create inner worlds of great richness. And having a vivid and creative imagination can be enormously useful, helping them excel in many fields.

· Shy Child Tend to be Loyal Friends: Because they sometimes have trouble making friends, once they have one, shy children are incredibly loyal. They understand how precious a good friend truly is and go to great lengths to be the very best friend they can be.

So, the next time you begin to worry about your “shy” child, remember that being shy isn’t the huge disadvantage that it’s sometimes made out to be. There are, in fact, many silver linings to be treasured!

Happy Signing (and don't forget to visit Baby Signs on Facebook!),

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.

Co-Founder, the Baby Signs Program,

Co-Author of Baby Hearts: A Guide to Giving Your Child an Emotional Head Start

and

Professor Emeritus, UC Davis