“But We’re Not Laughing At You!”

Holidays provide more occasions than usual for extended families to get together. If there’s a 2-year-old around, it’s likely that at one time or another everyone will be laughing at something amusing she has done. Maybe she is busily eating chocolate cake, getting more around her mouth than in it, or maybe she is carefully trying to walk in her mother’s high heels. Whatever the behavior, as soon as the child becomes aware that she is the focus of attention she becomes upset. And no matter how many times she is reassured that no one is laughing at her, she remains inconsolable and is too embarrassed to continue.

Where does such embarrassment come from? Has some humiliation in the child’s past created an expectation of punishment or shame? Probably not. According to developmental researcher, Dr. Michael Lewis, such reactions are typical of children starting between 18 and 24 months. It’s at this age that children begin to experience embarrassment when they find they are the center of attention. It’s not that they think they’ve done anything wrong or shameful. It’s just that everyone is looking at them and it makes them extremely uneasy.

Why does such self-consciousness begin between 18 and 24 months? It’s quite simple. This is the age when toddlers first become aware of themselves as separate from other people, knowledge that is obviously critical to feeling embarrassed. In fact, Lewis demonstrated a direct connection between self-awareness and embarrassment in the following way.

First, he tested a group of toddlers to see if they could recognize themselves in a mirror – a classic test of self-awareness. The way to do this is to surreptitiously dab a spot of rouge on a child’s nose, set him in front of a mirror, and watch to see if he touches his nose. If he does, then it’s clear that he recognizes that the red spot on the nose in the mirror is a red spot on his own nose. Some the toddlers in Lewis study did touch their noses, while others did not.

Lewis then tested whether these same children would show embarrassment. He had their mothers urge them to dance in front of the experimenter to the sound of a tambourine. As you might expect, some children did so without hesitation while others refused, showing classic signs of embarrassment. Every one of these latter children, and very few of the former, were among those able to recognize themselves in a mirror, a lovely demonstration that the child’s developing mind and the child’s developing emotions are closely related.

Apparently the novelty of understanding that one is the center of attention is very unnerving. Whether or not there is a judgment involved is irrelevant; the child simply wants the attention itself to stop…now. The more mature understanding that one has done something that has violated some kind of standard of behavior won’t develop for another year or so. In the meantime, realizing that it’s the attention itself that toddlers dislike can help parents be more sympathetic. After all, would you want everyone watching you stuff chocolate cake into your mouth? I thought not.

(For more information about emotional development, check out my book co-authored with Dr. Susan Goodwyn, Baby Hearts: A Guide to Giving Your Child an Emotional Head Start.)

Happy Holidays--and Happy Signing!

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.

Co-Founder, the Baby Signs Program

Signs Can Make Great Names Too

I’m on a kick about grandparents, probably because I’ve been able to spend lots of time with my 18-month-old twin grandchildren over the Thanksgiving holiday weekend. Of course, I’m too young to be a grandmother—aren’t we all? Fortunately, the grandmother image I grew up with has slowly given way to a new view. When I was a child, grandmothers, including my own, were typically frail women with white hair drawn up into a bun, solid black laced-up old lady shoes, and flowered dresses about as form fitting as a garage around a car. Nowadays, grandmothers are vibrant women still right in the thick of things, with or without gray hair—but very seldom in a bun!

One thing, however, hasn’t changed and never will. Grandmothers of any era relish the first time a grandchild reaches out with a smile and murmurs some version of her name, be it “gamma,” “mimi,” or “nana.” The wait for this memorable event is often long—sometimes not until a child is over 2 years old—because learning to say words is such a struggle for young children.

Fortunately, there’s a way around this frustration and the need for guessing. The solution is helping babies and toddlers use signs to communicate with those they love. And included in these sign vocabularies for many children are signs for grandpa and grandma that function exactly like names. Here are some fun examples from our files:

• 13-month-old Claire used a rocking motion as her name for Grandma because Grandma frequently rocked her in a rocking chair.

• 12-month-old Kai picked up on the way his Grandpa always threw him up in the air and began raising his arms up high whenever his grandpa arrived—or even when he saw a picture of him.

• 15-month-old Sadie would enthusiastically do her version of the ASL sign for Grandma (thumb of open hand on chin, arched forward two times) when Grandma entered the house.

Being a grandparent is one of the sweetest experiences on earth, and now it’s easy to make it sweeter still. Check out the Baby Signs Program, start signing with your grandbabies today and you'll soon be enjoying the sense of connection and love that being able to communicate brings.

Grandparents as Signing Teachers

I was blessed this Thanksgiving with the chance to spend the day with my two 18-month-old, twin grandchildren—Nate and Olivia. What a treat! The fact that they are signing up a storm made it especially exciting. Nate was enchanted with the flowers on the table, on the napkins, and on the buffet, pointing and sniffing—his sign for flower; Olivia was enchanted with the food, as usual, and made good use of the “more” sign.

The chance to be with them and watch them sign brought to mind the fact that grandparents make ideal teachers of signs—whether it be to their own grandchildren or to other children in their communities. The reason is that the experience of raising their own children enables them to recognize how helpful signs are in avoiding the tears and tantrums that arise when infants and toddlers need to communicate but simply can’t.

Grandparents also tend to have the patience and wisdom that come with years of dealing with people of all ages, enabling them to approach both parents and children with confidence and caring. Finally, from their life experiences they truly understand that successful communication fosters love and understanding—a wonderful gift for any grandparent to give--and to receive.

That’s why we are pleased that more and more grandparents are joining our Baby Signs Independent Certified Instructor (ICI) team. Our ICI program enables individuals to set their own hours and work as much or as little as they want, all the time earning income while helping families and childcare centers enjoy all the benefits that signing can bring.

If you are a grandparent or or know of one who might make a great Baby Signs teacher, pass along this link to a video describing our instructor program: https://www.babysigns.com/index.cfm?id=107

Happy Signing!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.

Co-founder of the Baby Signs Program

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Helping Kids Feel Grateful

Thanksgiving is a wonderful time to focus on the many things for which we should be grateful—from obvious things like food to eat and a warm bed at night, to the little, more subtle things like your toddler making the baby sign for "more" for the first time or a sunny day for a winter outing. The nice thing about Thanksgiving is that the specific focus on gratitude on this particular day makes it more likely that even very young children will “sit up and pay attention.”

However, I think we all can agree that feeling grateful and expressing gratitude shouldn’t be just a one-day-a-year thing. The more difficult challenge, therefore, is how to help children understand that these behaviors are important every day. It’s a worthy goal because research shows that kids who feel and act grateful tend to be less materialistic, get better grades, set higher goals, complain of fewer headaches and stomach aches and feel more satisfied with their friends, families and schools than those who don't.

That’s why I was so glad to see a list of tips for how to foster gratitude in children included in an article prepared under the banner of the child-advocacy organization, Zero to Three. Here’s link: http://www.zerotothree.org/child-development/social-emotional-development/raising-a-thankful-child.html .bab

Happy Thanksgiving to one and all!

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.

Co-Founder, the Baby Signs Program

Baby Signs Baby Says "Thanks"

Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday, is just a few days away. I love it because it’s an opportunity to gather with family, eat great food, and say “Thanks” for the many blessings we enjoy—including one another. Here’s a great story about how the ability of a baby to sign made Thanksgiving dinner extra sweet for one family. It comes from Stella, a former student of mine at UC Davis and great fan of the Baby Signs Program.

Stella and her parents traveled to Reno to share Thanksgiving with her sister, brother-in-law, and 3 kids—including 15-month-old Kayla, a great Baby Signer. Once everyone was seated at the table, Stella’s dad said a short grace and stood up to carve the turkey. Suddenly Kayla squealed and began to excitedly sign “apple.” Despite being offered some applesauce, Kayla kept repeating the sign even more determinedly. Finally, seemingly out of frustration, Kayla added a second sign—“Thank you” to her “apple” sign. It was then that her mom figured it out. At dinner time at Kayla’s house, instead of saying grace at the table, the tradition was to hold hands and sing the “Johnny Appleseed” song—the one where you “thank the Lord” for “the sun and the rain and the apple seed.” Kayla clearly felt that her grandfather’s grace wasn't good enough! Once everyone held hands and sang the song with real gusto, Kayla was satisfied and settled down to eat—no doubt saying a silent “thanks” that she’d finally gotten her message across!

Helping children learn to be truly thankful for the blessings in their lives is a challenge that every parent faces. Teaching the sign for “thank you” (fingertips moving in an arching motion outward from the chin) is a great way to get it started at a remarkably early age. And what better time to start than Thanksgiving!

American Academy of Pediatrics Gives Signing a "Thumbs Up"!

Well, we're back! After a busy 6 months focusing our attention on working with the Department of Defense and other agencies to bring the benefits of the Baby Signs Program into infant/toddler classrooms, we're recommitting ourselves to sharing information--not only about signing, but also about other important areas of development--with moms and dads looking for guidance as they meet the many challenges of being parents.

This information will often come in the form of brief parenting tips--that is, simple activities that can help you foster the development of specific talents, attitudes, or traits in your child.

But our very first message now that we're back is the exciting news that the American Academy of Pediatrics has formally endorsed signing as a valuable way to enrich your relationship with your child. Here's what they have to say:

"Infant sign language really does deliver on its promise of improved communication. . . It's easy to see why so many parents swear by it, why child care centers include it in their infant and toddler classrooms, and why it has become so commonplace as an activity of daily learning." (AAP's Heading Home with Your Newborn, 2011, pp. 173-174.

We are absolutely thrilled that it is our federally-funded research showing the positive effects of signing that has led to this recognition by the AAP. And to think it all started when I noticed my 12-month-old daughter making up her own sign for flower back in 1982. From that to a world-wide movement! Wow!

(To read our actual research papers, visit www.babysigns.com and click on "PARENTS." )