A Valentine’s Day Message

All of a sudden it’s February, and with February come thoughts of Valentine’s Day, the one day of the year totally devoted to “love.” What a broad term that is! The Greeks identified many, many different types of love – from the love we feel for our soul mates, to the love we feel for our friends, to the love we feel for a beautiful sunset or favorite poem. But when it comes to love, we feel sure you’ll agree that there’s no deeper or more important emotion than the love we feel for our children. One of my favorite quotations from writer Elizabeth Stone makes this point exquisitely. To have children, she says, is “to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.” 

We know from our own experiences that parenting children is both the most rewarding and most challenging job you will ever face. More than any other life-change, the sudden responsibility of having to steer a helpless infant through the murky waters and ever-shifting currents of modern life can seem overwhelming. And with good reason. The world is a vastly different place from the one we knew as children ourselves. As we struggle to raise our children while also dealing with unimaginable technologies, economic and political uncertainty, changing moral attitudes, and growing cultural diversity, it’s only natural to make mistakes along the way.

Fortunately, children don’t expect or need perfection from us. Children, even during the infant and toddler years, are flexible creatures with a capacity to forgive – just as long as the scale, overall, is very clearly weighted in a positive direction. It’s as though Mother Nature has realized that not the richest parent, not the most educated parent, not the most well-meaning parent in the world, can be expected to do a perfect job. What children do expect from us is unwavering love and devotion – through both the good and the hard times, through both the terrible two’s and the terrible teens! And that’s what we need to remember this Valentine season.

As you pause to reflect on the love you feel for your own children, we know you will appreciate the profound wisdom contained in these words from Lloyd deMause with which I close:

“The evolution of culture is ultimately determined by the amount of love, understanding and freedom experienced by its children... Every abandonment, every betrayal, every hateful act towards children returns tenfold a few decades later upon the historical stage, while every empathic act that helps a child become what he or she wants to become, every expression of love toward children heals society and moves it in unexpected, wondrous new directions.”

Happy Valentine’s Day—and Happy Signing!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis
and
Co-Founder, The Baby Signs® Program

Potty Training: What About Cognitive Readiness?

I've started out this year with a series of postings about potty training, a topic we here at Baby Signs care about so strongly that we've created a potty training program that incorporates signing in order to make it possible to potty train children at earlier ages. In my last posting I pointed out that the American Academy of Pediatrics cites three factors as indicators that a child is “ready” for potty training: physical, cognitive, and emotional. In that post I focused on physical readiness, pointing to the fact that children used to routinely be trained by 18 months as clear evidence that children are physically ready much earlier than they are currently given credit for.

Today I’m taking a closer look at the second factor: cognitive readiness. According to the AAP, in order to actively participate in potty training, children must understand what it is they are supposed to do and be able to communicate about it. That is, be able to:
• Associate the need to eliminate with using the potty
• Understand simple instructions
• Signal an adult when they need to go

Again, the fact that children in the past were routinely trained by 18 months indicates that the first two of these abilities are both available quite early and certainly by 18 months.

As for signaling an adult, that’s easily dealt with through the use of simple signs! Just as children can learn to let their parents know when they feel the internal pangs of hunger, thirst, and even illness using simple signs like EAT, DRINK, MILK, MORE, and HURT, they can equally easily signal the urge to eliminate using a simple sign—POTTY. We’ve seen it work ourselves and have heard success stories from countless parents.

Bottom line? Using simple signs helps provide children the “cognitive readiness” they need to take an active role in potty training well before age 2.

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis
and
Co-Founder, The Baby Signs® Program

Potty Training: What Does “Ready” Really Mean?

Last week I talked about the trend toward later and later potty training and the role that the diaper industry has played in persuading parents that waiting is a good idea. After all, the longer children are in diapers, the more money they make! To help reverse this trend, we here at Baby Signs have developed a potty training program that uses signing to enable babies to signal the need to go long before they have words. In fact, our goal is to help parents get their children trained by age 24 – 30 months.

But are children “ready” that early? The question arises because parents frequently hear that it’s best to wait until a child is “ready” for potty training before beginning the process. But what exactly does the term “ready” mean? For the answer we turn to the American Academy of Pediatrics’ (AAP) Guide to Toilet Training (2003). According to the AAP, parents should watch for readiness in three specific developmental domains: physical, cognitive, and emotional. Over the next few postings, we’ll take a closer look at what’s required in each case starting with physical readiness.

According to the AAP, in order to actively participate in potty training, children must be physically able to:

• Sense when they need to eliminate
• Delay elimination long enough to get to the potty
• Sit independently on a potty chair

At what age do these skills typically appear? This is an easy question to answer based on the information about the history of potty training I described in my posting last week. If you’ve had a chance to read that entry you may remember the fact that before the invention of the disposable diaper in the early 1960s, children in the United States were routinely trained by 18 months! Is there any reason to suspect that children have changed so radically over the last 50 years that they’ve completely lost these physical abilities? Obviously not! If that was the norm up until the 1960s, then clearly children today are physically ready for potty training well before age 2.

In other words, it’s simply a cop out (as my son would say) to use a lack of “physical readiness” as an excuse to delay potty training until children are 3-years-old.

Stay tuned for discussion of cognitive and emotional “readiness.”

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis