Teaching Kids to Say "Thanks"

Thanksgiving is a wonderful time for us to focus on the many things for which we should be grateful—from obvious things like food to eat and a warm bed at night to the little, more subtle things like birds flocking to the bird feeder or a sunny day for a winter outing. The nice thing about Thanksgiving is that the specific focus on gratitude on this particular day makes it more likely that even very young children will “sit up and pay attention.”

However, I think we all can agree that feeling grateful and expressing gratitude shouldn’t be just a one-day-a-year thing. The more difficult challenge, therefore, is how to help children understand that these behaviors are important every day. It’s an important goal because research shows that kids who feel and act grateful tend to be less materialistic, get better grades, set higher goals, complain of fewer headaches and stomach aches and feel more satisfied with their friends, families and schools than those who don't.

That’s why I was so glad to see a list of tips for how to foster gratitude in children included in an article prepared under the banner of the child-advocacy organization, Zero to Three. Here’s link: http://www.zerotothree.org/child-development/social-emotional-development/raising-a-thankful-child.html .

One thing that we here at Baby Signs can add to the list for the littlest ones is teaching the sign for “Thank You” (place fingertips on chin and make arching movement outward). It’s amazing how early and easily signing toddlers pick up this important concept!


Happy Thanksgiving to one and all! (And don't forget to follow us on Facebook!)

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs Program
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

Birth of the Green-Eyed Monster

In last week’s blog posting, veering a long way from baby sign language, I talked about why it’s understandable that an older sibling might be jealous of the addition of a new baby to the family. This week I want to turn the tables a bit and ask, “What about the baby?”. Won’t there come a point when the baby begins to resent having to share Mommy with the older child? In other words, when does the traditional green-eyed monster called jealousy appear on the scene?

One answer comes from a clever study by developmental researchers Sybil Hart, Tiffany Field, Claudia Del Valle, and March Letourneau that tested 12-month-old babies under two conditions. In one, moms were asked to ignore their children while looking through a picture book. In the other, still ignoring their babies, moms were given a life-size baby doll to cuddle. If simply being ignored is what annoys babies this age, then both situations should be equally upsetting. But that’s not what happened. Instead, these year-old children were significantly more distressed about the doll than the book, suggesting that they specifically resented seeing another “baby” get the cozy comfort of Mommy’s lap.

Looks like sibling rivalry is a two-way street from pretty early on!

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

So, A New Baby is On the Way!

Bear with me as I stray once again from baby sign language and talk about a different parenting issue that many young families face. It’s one that Susan Goodwyn and I address in our book, Baby Hearts.

So, you’re expecting another baby! Wonderful! But creeping into your thoughts at the good news is concern over how the upcoming blessed event will be received by your older child whose place as “Baby” is being usurped.

Although most second-time parents are aware that there may be jealousy, many also assume that reassurances about “enough love for both” should solve the problem. The fact that it doesn’t may actually strike some parents as unreasonable and selfish.

It was in response to such attitudes that A. Faber and E. Mazlich, authors of Siblings without Rivalry, came up with a role-playing strategy that I love and have adapted a bit to share with you below. They suggested that parents put themselves in the shoes of the wife in the following scenario:

HUSBAND: I’ve got a wonderful surprise for you! Now, you know I love you very, very much, honey, don’t you? And you know you’ve brought great joy into my life, right?

WIFE: I love you too!

HUSBAND: Well, here’s the surprise. I’ve enjoyed having my own little wife so much that I thought it would be nice for all of us to have another wife in the family! Won’t that be wonderful?

WIFE: What?!

HUSBAND: Just think about it. You’ll have another wife to play with and maybe even share your room with. And because you’re such a good wife and know so much more than she will about everything, you can help me take care of her. The three of us can go on walks together and read books together…and everything! We’ll all be one, big happy family! Won’t that be fun?

WIFE: Hmph!

Now, don’t you have more sympathy than before for kids who are getting this “wonderful” news? It’s natural for them to be upset and it will take time, love, and plenty of patience to to bring them around. (TIP: Some of you may be lucky enough to find a Baby Signs instructor offering our "Sibling Class" in your area. Visit www.babysigns.com and click on "Find a Class.")

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis
g rivalry

Lots to Cheer About in the Latest AAP Recommendations about TV

Once again the news is full of reports about a statement from the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) about TV and children under 2. To find out exactly what the new policy statement says, I bypassed reporters’ interpretations and went straight to the AAP article itself in the latest issue of the journal Pediatrics. What I found there is actually very good news for the Baby Signs® Program in regard to our hugely popular and very effective signing DVDs.

POINT 1: The AAP’s is not banning the use of video programming for children under 2, only urging parents to be cautious about amount and selective about content.

“The AAP realizes that media exposure is a reality for many families in today’s society. If parents choose to engage their young children with electronic media, they should have concrete strategies to manage it…. It is important to set limits and create balance at an early age” (p. 4).

In regard to the need for caution, they make the excellent point that “screen-based” programming (including computers, smart phones, etc.) can be addicting at any age and that it’s up to parents to see that their kids are not losing out on other important experiences like interactions with parents and sibs, being read to, and playing independently.

POINT 2: Much of what is advertized as “educational” for this age group really is not. A main point here is that children under 2 can’t process information very well and, therefore, “are more likely to learn from a live presentation than from a televised one” (p. 2). But here’s the good news for our DVDs. They do cite an exception from the research literature—a 2007 study published in the journal Developmental Psychobiology showing that 12 to 21 month old children were just as likely to imitate specific actions demonstrated via videotape (versus demonstrated by a live person) when “the screen demonstration repeats several times” (AAP, p. 2).”

Hmm… actions that are repeated. Sound familiar? That’s exactly what our signing DVDs do in spades! They aren’t trying to teach abstract concepts like numbers or letters. They demonstrate specific actions (signs) not just several times but many times. So, not only do we know from our own and hundreds of parental reports that our DVDs teach signs, but the AAP provides an independent research foundation for that conclusion.

And don’t forget the fact that being able to sign has been proven (through our federally-funded research) to promote language and cognitive development as well as enrich parent-child interactions. So, if any video programming can be justifiably called “educational,” it’s ours!

CONCLUSION. In my opinion, the AAP is doing a service by warning parents about the potential negative effects of unregulated “screen” time and unsubstantiated claims of material being “educational.” But that’s only part of the story. They are also providing support for our position that if parents need a bit of time to fix dinner, fold the laundry, or even just relax, they can feel very comfortable choosing a Baby Signs® DVD to entertain and educate their baby!

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

Take Advantage of Halloween!

Although it’s hard to believe given that it feels like yesterday was Easter, Halloween is just around the corner. If you’re like my step-son and daughter-in-law, you’re as excited by the chance to dress up your little ones as they are! Nate, now 2 ½ , is going to be Buzz Lightyear and his twin sister Olivia is going to be Ariel from "The Little Mermaid." As the photos show, Grammy and Papa got a preview last night. What's more, there’s no doubt that, come next Monday night, the video camera will come out to record the festivities.

Which brings me to one of my favorite parenting tips. The development of good memory skills is critical to all aspects of learning. In fact, that’s what “learning “is all about—the ability to remember facts, ideas, and skills encountered in the past. Research has shown that parents contribute mightily to how early and easily children begin to hone their memory skills.

Here’s an easy and enjoyable way to support your child’s progress in this critical area. Make use of your family video footage! Whether it’s Halloween, a birthday, or just a precious moment at home, don’t just leave these recordings on the shelf to enjoy years later. Instead, watch them with your child right away. By watching video footage of special events in your child’s life soon after the recordings are made, you are providing a platform for conversations with your child about the past and providing images he or she can use to reconstruct events. It’s just such conversations with parents about the past that research shows help children begin to tie their own memories into cohesive wholes. Besides, it’s lots of fun! Every child enjoys seeing him or herself on the screen.

So, break out the popcorn, enjoy a fun time at the movies with your child, and delight in the fact that you’re helping your child hone memory skills that will serve him or her well for years to come.

Just a simple tip to make supporting your child’s intellectual development a bit easier and more fun!

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

Why Children’s Fears Increase in the 2nd Year

Although signing with babies is my passion, I also enjoy sharing other insights about development. Here's an example from Baby Hearts, my book co-authored with Dr. Susan Goodwyn.

Along with cake and ice cream, a child’s first birthday brings with it a not so nice gift – a significant increase in the number of things that make a child afraid. Why the increase in fear after the first birthday? Much of the responsibility can be traced to changes in the child’s mental skills. Unfortunately, however, these changes aren’t balanced by nearly enough knowledge of how the world actually works! The result is fear of things that you and I know from experience aren’t likely to happen – like getting sucked up by vacuum cleaners or flushed down the toilet. We may know the laws of mechanics that make such things impossible, but our toddlers and preschoolers clearly don’t! Here are some of the other reasons why the list of fears inevitably grows longer between years 1 and 5:

• The wonderful – and not so wonderful – world of imagination. Towards the middle of the second year, the toddler brain begins to be able to do something that sets humans apart from other animals – create ideas and images that have little if any basis in reality and then ponder those ideas and images at will. This is a fancy way to say that children begin to use their imaginations. The good news is that this ability enables them to have fun pretending to be firemen or ballerinas; the bad news is that this same ability enables them to imagine bogey men and monsters.

• What’s Real and What’s Not? Toddlers face a particularly interesting challenge when it comes to distinguishing fantasy from reality. Their new awareness of their own thoughts and dreams doesn’t come with an automatic recognition that these are “all in the head.” Ask your toddler if you’d be able to watch his dream if you came into his room while he was dreaming and he’s likely to say “yes.” Very young children think of their dreams as taking place in real time and space, which is one reason they find nightmares so up-setting and can’t dismiss the image in their head of that same monster under the bed.

• Down Memory Lane. Very young infants live by necessity “in the here and now.” The downside of this is that they don’t get to relive the happy moments of their short lives – the delightful games of tickle, the warm and snuggly moments in mom’s arms, the giddy back and forth of their swing. The upside, however, is that very young infants also can’t remember the scary moments. Unfortunately, toddlers and preschoolers, due to much improved memory capacities, definitely can! This means that a single harrowing experience with a dog, clown, or merry-go-round can haunt them for days, weeks, months, or even years to come.

• A Different Perspective. It also doesn’t help matters that toddlers are so little. To them, the barking Labrador Retriever isn’t just a dog; it’s a dog the size of a horse! And the room full of strange relatives doesn’t just have lots of new folks in it; it’s full of people who tower over the child. Weaving through all the legs – even holding on to Mommy’s hand – is an intimidating journey!

• On the Go. One final reason toddlers and preschoolers are more vulnerable than infants to developing fears is the simple fact that they get around better! Not much scary can happen when you’re confined to a highchair or crib, but let your world expand to include the yard, the park, and the neighborhood, and the chances of encountering something unexpected and scary increase markedly.

The good news is that knowing signs can help toddlers communicate their fears to the adults around them. The AFRAID sign is the most obvious, but not the only candidate. For example, when AFRAID is paired with the sign for DOG the message is clear: that four-legged thing ain’t no friend of mine!

I actually speak from experience on this point. One night when my son Kai was about 15 months old, he suddenly began screaming when I tried to put him in his bed. I was nonplussed – until Kai did the sign for SPIDER. Then I remembered. That morning when I had lifted him out of bed, a big black spider had landed on his arm and he’d been both startled and upset. I had forgotten all about the incident – but he clearly hadn’t. The good news was that thanks to the sign, I knew what the problem was and together we looked through all the bedclothes. Finding no spider, Kai was reassured and settled down to sleep. (The bad news is that, even at age 25, Kai is still phobic about spiders!)

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis

Lay a Foundation for Reading with the "Odd-One-Out" Game

While it’s true that more and more information is available these days in audio and video form, reading is still an immense part of how we all—including children—learn about the world around us. That’s why it’s important to help kids in any way we can to conquer this essential skill. As I’ve mentioned before in these tips, one important pre-reading skill that’s easy and fun to work on is “Phonemic Awareness.” What this fancy term refers to is the simple recognition that words are made up of separate sounds—for example, the word CAT is made up of the separate sounds “C + A+T. Because the job of letters is to represent these separate sounds, being able to recognize that words are divisible in this way is obviously an important component of learning to read.

In a previous tip I talked about how introducing children to rhyming words through nursery rhymes and poems is an easy way to help them develop this awareness. Here’s why. Words rhyme precisely because they share their ending sounds but not their beginning sounds and poems help make these words and their sound similarities and differences stand out so children are more likely to notice. For example, hearing the words HILL and MILL in close proximity draws attention to the fact that they begin differently but end the same.

Here’s a simple game you can play with your 3- to 5-year-old to take advantage of the power of rhyming to promote phonemic awareness. It’s a form of what we call an “odd-one-out” game in which you say three words, only two of which rhyme, and ask your child “Which one doesn’t belong.” For example, you might say “Cat, Hat, Dog” where the one that doesn’t belong is “Dog.” Or “Juice, Boat, Goat,” where the one that doesn’t belong is the first word, “Shoe.” After a while, your child may even be able to reverse roles and give you the list of words to decide the “odd-one-out.”

This is a great game to play anywhere--while riding in the car, standing in line at the grocery store, or waiting at a restaurant for your food to arrive. And each time you play it, you can enjoy the fact that you’re not only having fun, but also providing practice that will help your child develop the important pre-reading skill of phonemic awareness.

Happy Signing (and don’t forget to follow us on Facebook)!

Linda

Linda Acredolo, Ph.D.
Co-Founder, the Baby Signs® Program
and
Professor Emeritus, UC Davis